Parenting LOL ( Or , what Lessons of Leadersip, aptly - LOL - Can you learn with a diaper on one hand? )

Sunday Evenings that you spend on long intercity drives are very dangerous. It gives you time to think of weird aspects of life, and try to connect some really abstract dots. I was traveling back from Bangalore to Chennai last evening. Over that long drive, with my daughter asleep on her mother's lap ( and the mother also nodding off to sleep ), it got me thinking.

My communication with my baby is pretty much one way. Unlike what "Look who's talking?" would have me believe, I am sure she has no clue of what I am saying - and yet, I try my level best to understand her, to communicate to her, and to make her feel "taken care of". And I was wondering - Isn't that something that we expect from our leaders too ? So, are there some lessons for us here?



1. It is not about you ( No it is not, even though you are the leader :) ) - When you have the child, one thing that you will hear many times is "now your life will change. Everything has to revolve around her" . How true! Even though you are the parent, the breadwinners, the more intelligent ones, the more capable ones - you are not the center of that universe. Your child is. It doesn't matter what you are doing at any given moment, when your child needs you, you attend.

That's how leadership is. You are a leader ( and a good one at that ) - because others felt that you are more capable for that role. But remember, it is not about you, or your capabilties. It is all about the team that you lead. Always have their needs as priority one. Not yours.

2. Be Kind and Considerate -  You do not get angry when your child cries - instead  you try to understand why she's bringing the house down. So why would you get frustrated when your team approaches you to solve a problem, again and again? . A Good leader understands why the team is upset - and how you can help to solve the problem.

3. Leadership cannot use Cookie cutter solutions - The toy that helped stop your child's crying one day, cannot help her to smile every time. You need to try different things at different times. The funny part is, we don't get angry when the child is not satisfied with the same toy. We smile, say to ourselves "oh she's bored of that!'  and move on. So, why would you think that the same solution that worked before with your team would work now? Different situations need different solution. And yes, time does change the situation - even if everything else is the same.

4. Encourage, and Nurture - You cannot force your child to walk when you want  - you will probably end up casing permanent damage through bent legs. But you can encourage her in all she does. What you can achieve with attention, focus, smile and words of endearment and encouragement can never be achieved by force. And amazingly, your child would try harder, better to achieve - understanding your encouragement.

So will your team.

5 Explore Quick. Establish well. And Build from there - When my child cries, I "entertain" and question her with various different things. I point to the milk bottle, and check if she stops crying, show her the water bottle. In same situation, we would also check for any injury, we check the diapers, and also calculate in our mind time from the last feed and sleep. We would show her multiple actions, to see which one takes her attention. And once we know what works, then we continue on that line, engaging her, to slowly lead her in the action that we want her to do - be it sleep, or play, or eat.

As good leaders, we ought to do the same with our team. Explore a lot of options. Find the common ground between us and the team. And then, use the common ground to build a relation. Leading start from there - empathizing. Establish the ground where the


6. Be Calm - Sometimes, inexplicably, your child will be cranky. You would try everything in the book - feed, play, walk, hold, swing, laugh, make faces. Everything. And she will cry. You have no idea why she is crying. Sometimes your team would also be the same. When you expect that logically everything should be well, you would see your team cranky.

Try everything in the book to get the team to start performing again. When you are in the last page, try more. :)

It is tough to be a good parent. It is tougher, I think, to be a good leader.

Be Calm. :)

Do you think these are good LOL ? Do you have anything that you would want to add to this? Please comment and let me know.

(Picture from: http://www.helsinki.fi/~pjojala/Calvin-Hobbes-Bill-Watterson-gallup-poll-Dad.gif - No copyright infringement intended. Please let me know if I am violating and will remove the image

Exploring new worlds (or how did the Teddy Bear get it's name ? :) )

Another day, Another cliché :) "It's amazing how things change when your life starts revolving around your baby"

But no, this is not the standard gushing post ( or atleast I hope it's not :) ) - I have started to explore a lot of new "why?" s around stuff that relates to the baby.. And the flavor of the day?

Why is a Teddy Bear called a Teddy Bear? :)  Apparently there is a very interesting story behind it.

Cut to 1902. The then Us President Theodore Roosevelt was in Mississippi wanting to take a break from White House duties with a little Bear hunting. Day 1, Everyone enthusiastic, but not a single black bear could be spotted ( Hmmm - did they have prior information ? :) ) Day 2 also wasn't very successful. But the hunter dogs did corner one black bear, and the hunting guide, gave a knock on its head and tied it to the tree.




He then used his bugle ( I wanted to say blew the bugle - but is that correct? :) ) to call the President, who had by then given up and retired to the camp. But when Roosevelt saw this really underweight, dazed, poor female bear tied to the tree - he couldn't bring himself to shoot it. So, he asked that this bear be let loose.

Within no time, the media converted this into a now famous cartoon. And the toymakers, made the bear in the cartoon immortal by making a plush toy out of the bear and calling it - drumroll please.... - Theodore's Bear , or The Teddy Bear. ( and of course, the bear in the cartoon looked so helpless that you would want to immediately protect it - See for yourself :) (Pic from Library of Congress Archives - http://lcweb2.loc.gov/service/pnp/cph/3a30000/3a34000/3a34700/3a34770r.jpg )

So if the President hadn't drawn the line in Mississippi, my daughter wouldn't have got her hugging toy more than a 100 years later :) As she leaves the plush toy, tired of playing with it, and as my gently puts her to sleep singing her a lovely Malayalam Lullaby, my mind is now starting to wonder - Why do Lullabies put a child to sleep? More on that, next time :):)

(And thanks to this wonderful TED talk by Jon Mooallem from where I learnt about Teddy Bear: http://www.ted.com/talks/jon_mooallem_the_strange_story_of_the_teddy_bear_and_what_it_reveals_about_our_relationship_to_animals )

Wait until the first time the baby grabs your finger....

I am big fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S - the TV series. And I couldn't have agreed with Ross more, when he says these words to a pregnant Rachel ( If you haven't seen it - watch it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3j9l_5x66-8#t=74 )

And it is Magical. Truly so. But wait, wait...

Wait until the first time, the baby puts his/ her hands around your neck, and rests her head on your shoulder drifting off to sleep.  Everything will suddenly seem alright with the world.

Ah yes, I am a proud father now. I wake up every day next to an adorable princess who stretches her hands, shakes her head, opens her eyes, and gives me that smile when she sees me next to her.

That smile. You know that smile, don't you? :)


PS: I hope I can start writing again, regularly, now that I have someone whose experiences I can chronicle. :)

Million years before I go to School!

I spent my last weekend with some of my oldest friends - almost from an era gone by - from my school life. A rather unfortunate incident had crated this union. One of my friend's son had an unfortunate accident and had broken his hand. Whatever shock and worry we had, was dispensed with, when i realized that he still had his sense of humor intact.

I had this seven year old sitting on my lap, and me trying to small talk him..

"So, Aadi, Don't you go to school now?"

"Nope" Comes the half smiling reply pointing to the pretty awful cast on his arm.

"Ooooh!", say I, " so when do you have to go to school again?"

"When this cast is removed.."

"Oh! So when do you think this cast will be removed?"

I was stunned by the reply.

"In a million years!"

Yeah right. That's called Wishful thinking! :):):):)

Our children - The sad state of what they are growing up with

I wanted to start this post with something as interesting as "This weekend was an eye opener for me". But i don't think so. I think i have been seeing these all around me, but i have just been avoiding seeing them. So in my mind, i divide this post into two - What i saw, and what i think i should do about it.

Section 1: What i saw:

My wife's sister and her two kids ( one aged 10, and the other, half his age ) had come to visit us during this weekend. So Along with McDonald's and Domino's, we also planned some "learning" time in our own Birla Planetarium. ( Oh yes, Namma Chennai has a planetarium, located behind CLRI on Gandhi Mandapam Road ). The first thing that hits you, while you walk are the trees, the vegetation and the serenity of the place. The opportunity to re-explore the wonders of science along with my two eager nephews. Imagine my shock, when i turn the corner into a rusting, broken, dilapidated science center. Here are the highlights:

• A playing park, conceptualized extremely well, holding play things and toys that explain scientific phenomena, rusted, broken, missing parts, overgrown with weeds, corrugated, and obviously not working at all! - More than that, given the condition, they are a hazard to children's health
• Huge spacious marble tiled halls, filled with scientific exhibits - that show, hold your breath - a cube replica of a "modern day bedroom" - no i am not kidding - what do you expect kids to learn from showing a model of the new age bedroom and bathroom? There are exhibits of plastic pipes and taps ( the common variety ) that you see in every hardware shop. Why? What imagination do we plan to kindle in a young child's mind with plastic pipes?
• A 3D show that has an entertaining, Alice in wonderland movie and also a instructional, journey through a human body ( done a la the Inner Space Movie ), but executed, once again in a theater with terrible acoustics, and a voice overlay of heavily American accented English. Right, the children who come there know what is Alice in Wonderland, and can understand the American Accented commentary while they show the human body! :(:(:(
• Finally, the planetarium experience - Not too shabby, and definitely the best of the experience. At least the show was good, was decently executed, and the voice over was conversational. I think for a child, that would be interesting. I have no gripes there, except for a wish list that they could probably maintain the planetarium theatre well - and make the shows a little bit more fun!

The government officials cannot complain that they do not get visitors. Apart from seeing many honeymoon couples (??!!??) we saw that the place was full of school children. There were at least 6 school buses on Saturday and at least one more school trip on Sunday. Which makes it even more sad and outrageous - here we have a potential to engage and get children interested in studies - there is opportunity, there is place, there is time and there are resources, and we are shamelessly letting all of these pass by. I am not saying that all million children will become eminent scientists inspired by this visit ( maybe they will, who am i to underestimate?) but even if there are 100 children who could potentially have been kindled into this thoughts, we are not able to bring that transformation.

Sad. And terribly disappointing.

Section 2: What can i do about this?

There is a disclaimer as seen in the movies. What you read further can shock, as it shocked me when I realized it. Let me start with an anecdote. Sometime back i was driving through the roads of Kerala with my mother in an air conditioned car. Outside, in the sweltering heat, there were people pulling loaded carts, sweating and straining. My mother looked at them, and mentioned to me painfully " Oh my God, every time i see them, i feel pained - I feel sad, and i feel guilty to ride in this comfort."

I nodded in silent agreement. After few seconds she opened up again" I think i am a hypocrite. One one side, i yearn for such comforts - i want them, and while i enjoy it, i look outside this cooled glass and shower sympathies to the other side of the world. That is not fair or good ( for those who know Malayalam, these are the exact phrase she used " Nalla saamarthyam, enikku" - I am not sure if i can translate this directly into English ). I guess more than the sight of those people leading tough lives, what troubled her was that she, as a person, was not doing anything for them.

I find myself in a similar situation. I feel terribly sad about the condition. In fact, this post is the third time i have ranted about in the last one day. And i know i can do something about this, if i pain myself to change my life. But here i am , going ahead with my life, taking the path of least resistance of commenting about this sad story, clicking my tongue, shaking my head, .. and looking on my android phone for further twitter updates. Shameless! :(

In someways, i feel that this dilapidated condition of the planetarium is just a symptom of a larger issue - Solving this symptom wont cure the disease - but then, at the same time, we can't boil the ocean.

I introspect. I don't think i deserve to ask "What can / should i do?" As an educated person, i know what i should be doing. It's not that i do not know, just that I haven't yet taken that step. I am already feeling very guilty and hopefully, i will take a step. Soon.

"Sound Horn", Please!

While the world spends tons of money for ways to solve problems, we Indians find interestingly simple ways to solve the problems. What, you don't believe me? Let me take something simple and prove that .. "looks around.." ah.. there you go, lets take the poor simple horn fit in the Indian Automobiles .. Cars, trucks.. ah, yes, the same old horn... what could you do with this? Wait till you hear what all we do with it.

In india, the horns have many, many uses:

1. Remote Garage opener - I have seen many a foreigners having a puzzled look on their face, when in India, they see a car honking at a close gate.  Rarely do they realize that we are using our garage openers. And like a child pressing the button of the remote until the TV starts, our drivers just sit there, continuing to press the horn, until someone comes out to open the door - Even if all it takes for our driver is to get out of the car and walk two steps to open the door, and it takes 5 minutes for the guys inside the house to reach the gate. After all, you have invested so much i this technology, it better work! While the automobile companies in the west invest more and more money in making better garage openers with long range, we simply go ahead and fix ourselves a louder horn. When we want a seamless drive in experience, we just continuously honk right from the turn of the street. Apparently, we have the ability to tune out this incessent noice, if we don't belong to the household of the car owner.
2. Calling Bell - "No way" you say? Let me invite you to stay with me. I live next door to a family who have school going kids. A Van comes about 7 A M in the morning to transport the kid(s?) to school. I think he has stronger hands than legs - If he doesn't see the kids waiting for the van, the driver, instead of using his legs to run up and ring the calling bells, decides to use his hands to sound horn. If you want to know where the phrase "blowing one's trumpet" originated from, you have to listen to this. Now, here's the weirder part. Somehow most of the parents have taken the horn to be a signal to start feeding breakfast to their kids. I believe they think that it is better to hear the horn rather than the the TV noise. unfortunately, i don't! :(
3. Blind spot Indicator - While the newer automobiles in the west spend much on ads that tell the drivers "Hey! you don't have to turn around and 'painfully' check your blind spot now - We have neat indicators in the rear view mirrors that indicate ( what else would indicators do? :P ) if another vehicle is in your blind spot", we at India, simply use our horns. That ad campaign i mentioned above will not work in India, because we anyways don't turn to check who's in my blind spot. If you are in my blind spot, you better sound horn! and God forbid, if you do go and have a small "car to car kiss" with someone on your blind spot, you get down and blame the other guy " abey! Why didn't you horn? Careless driver!" 
4. Traffic Light Indicator - "Now I have gone too far", you say, "how can a car horn replace the traffic lights at the roads and junctions?". Well, then you haven't driven enough in India. When you are on the road, and you see the light ahead of you turning to Red, you simply start honking continuously, telling everyone around " I am coming, i am coming". Somehow it has got into our minds that if we honk continuously at a signal turning red, it will turn back into "Green" for how many ever seconds it takes for us to cross the light / junction. and if by chance, any other driver on the intersecting road didn't notice that, you screech your brakes, take a wide turn to go around this nuisance, roll down your window ( all at once )  and shout at the oncoming driver "Abey, can't you hear my horn?"

Now, you believe me? We use our horns so much, i think we should call ourselves a "Horn"y country. ( No puns intended :P )

Image courtesy: http://www.scottishdocinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/sound_horn_ok.jpg ( If there is a copyright around the image, please do let me know, and i will remove it immediately )

Failing, and Learning

They say that failure is your biggest teacher. And if you can learn from other's failures, all the more bravo! :)

Two of our IVF cycles have been unsuccessful, and i thought it might be good to write about some cause of IVF failures., ( Like every blogger, i imagine millions and millions of readers, who are simply waiting to read my blog :) ). Sometimes knowing about the reasons for being unsuccessful can help you cope with it better, at least in the case of an IVF. So Here goes.

An oft quoted reason for IVF Implantation Failure owing to poor egg quality. Implantation Failure occurs when pregnancy does not occur, even though fertilized embryos are formed in the test tube. What confuses here is, you would think that once the fertilization occur and embryos are formed, how can quality of eggs be blamed for failure? Here's how it works. You see, the egg performs two functions - first it enables formation of embryo after fusing with the sperm, and once embryo has  been formed, acts as the battery that powers the cell multiplication in the embryo. ( i love this battery analogy :) )  Something has to fuel the cell multiplication within the embryo - the egg is this "something". So if the egg Quality is bad, the egg would run out of battery power even before the cell multiplication within the embryo reaches the critical mass to cause a pregnancy. Imagine a line at which the group of cells in the embryo crosses over to becoming a small living organism. The egg has to provide external power at least till this line, at least. If the battery dies down before this line, well, we go back to square 1.

The easiest way to resolve this would be to undergo medication for making the egg quality better. As with our Dr, i think every Dr would have a standard set of medicines to get this effect. Generally this would take a cycle of 3 months.

Another oft mentioned reason is  "endometriosis" ( am a little lost here :), for generic aspect of this reason. ).  As the Drs say, we cant always pin point the reason, but we could analyze the data to find the most probable cause. Owing to endometriosis, our Dr said that that there was some amount of blood while doing the implantation ( which is a common symptom in endometriosis patients ) - But then, this is not a confirmed Villain. Apparently, endometriosis patients with indication of blood while embryo transfer have also had successful IVF. But it looks a "most probable cause". As the doc says, for a woman, there are only two things that matter for an IVF - The uterus and the egg quality.If the egg is of good quality (which will show up in the growth of the embryo, especially if you do the 5th day transfer) , it might be receptive environment of the uterus and the presence of blood that could cause an IVF failure. "Might have" :)

If Dr quotes this as the reason, the usual way to handle this  would be to give yourself time for couple of months with medically suppressed periods. This would remove this issue of having blood spots during the IVF cycle after this gap.

So, what's your opinion, doc?

Yesterday, we were told that our second cycle of IVF has also not been successful. One question rebounded from most of our friends and families when we called them to inform about this sad news ; " Do you want to consult another doctor?"

You will meet this question in many avatars:
"My friend/cousin/brother/relative had been to this doctor, and was successful in the treatment"
"This stream of medicine is much more proven, reliable and established than yours"
"This doctor is very experienced and knows all.."
.... and so on an so forth.

I personally have firm belief that we should stick to one doctor for your treatment. And yet, if not for doctor hopping, we would not have found out our issue itself! :) Ironical, isn't it? But here's what i make of it.

• In the Initial days, when we only know that there is a problem, and we don't know what it is, i feel that it is 'more the merrier' :). Different diagnostics, as long it is not "for the sake of it" diagnostics, is good for us to know that is wrong. But then, "how do you know that it is not "for the sake of it"? I think that's where our involvement comes in. Medical information is available freely on the net ( and if you are here, reading this, you are familiar with Google.) We should not take the inputs from the Dr. at face value, and we should definitely do our re-searching online and also discuss this with few friends to get their opinion.

• Once we identify the problem, and we start looking for a specific solution to this, stick to one doctor. Do your research beforehand to know our doctor and his/ her performance beforehand, and in the initial days, monitor the interaction. Here are few things that i found very symptomatic of a Dr patient relation:
• >>> If you find that the doctor is not accessible, either you have to jump through 15 hoops to speak to him, or if you need a appointment schedule to be set 2-3 weeks in advance, i suggest, you start looking out. Accessibility is key, especially if you have any sensitive issues.
• >>> If the Dr continuously says "All is Well" and continuously asks you to just keep trying, it is better to get another doctor's opinion.

• Once the treatment starts, many times, we will find doubting whether this course that we are taking is correct or not. It might be a good idea, to get a second opinion at this time. Be very clear on what we are trying to do. We are not searching for a new treatment, and when we go to the new doctor, just tell him / her that we are only trying to validate our current treatment based on the existing diagnostics and patient information.

And, Believe in Serendipity.

Here's what happened to us..

• We started our consultation with a gyneac early enough. The Dr. was very accessible and was very clear on her advice. But it didn't look like we were going anywhere (Point 2B above, crossed! :) )
• We spoke to a friend who had the same Dr, and was going through same issues, and she asked us to consult another doctor. Now, this Dr., thought looking at it in a slightly different angle, was very tough to meet ( We would have to get appointments one month in advance - point 1A above, crossed! :) ), so we decided to give this Dr, a slip. ( but not before we wasted a year or so with him :( )
• Our family recommended us to another Dr, who identified the problem, and suggested a small surgery to resolve it. Now we knew what the issue was.

And purely out of luck, my friend was getting his baby born in Dr. GHP's hospital ( who is our current doctor.). When we heard that we could walk in and meet the Dr, and she would meet you irrespective of the time of the day ( or night ) as long as you were waiting there, we decided to give it a go. 

About a year or so of her care later, and two failed cycles later, we have been asked many times, do you want to change doctor? I have not really had a motivation to do it - for cpl of reasons - she is extremely accessible, and all her diagnostic, seems to be on the right track based on online forums. And yet, we still did consult yet another famous hospital for validation, and the direction and treatments were validated by that  Dr. too. I guess, we will go with this Dr for some more time....

Fingers Crossed for next steps :)

Farook and Shah Rukh!

I had to blog this :)

Today is my nephew's birthday, and so in the morning, we made the customary call to wish him. During the conversation, i asked him " so are you all ready to wear your new dress and go to school?" ( Some traditions, some memories dont change over time :) ) Unfortunately for him, last night, Kerala Governor M O H Farook passed away, and the schools in the state have apparently declared it a holiday, on this account.

So, when i asked him, i got this sad reply "No, there is no school today-someone passed away last night, and therefore its a holiday"
"Someone passed away? Who?"
"I don't know.. someone did!" came the sad reply from the 10 year old, "i think its there on all the papers also"

"Ok.." I went to google and checked it up - just to see that Farook had passed away. So in all earnestness of letting this young guy know who this "someone" was, i told him "Oh, it is Farook, the Kerala governor"

2 seconds silence.
And then with a lot of trepidation, lot of anxiety and and a lot of fear in his voice came a question "WHO? SHAH RUKH? "

We had to spend half a minute to pacify his anxiety and to get him to know that all the words that end with "Kh" is not Shah rukh! Once he knew it, it was back to "oh, someone passed away!" his life crisis averted ! :)

May "Farook"s soul Rest in Peace!


Post Script: I didn't know this, Farook was the youngest chief minister in India ( URL: malayala manorama, TOI )- He was CM of Pondicherry when he was 29! For all of us who yearn for young blood in politics, he should be a mascot!
( the malayala manorama URL is in malayalam font )

To tell or not to tell? or, the curious case of "I know Jay, and I'm pregnant"

Since the time that we knew that we had to go through the IVF procedure, one question that always kept us thinking was " should we tell others about this?"


Somehow, it seems a little sensitive. And opinions are widely distributed in this regard. But with the wisdom of someone who's been there, done that - here's my recommendation - please do! And here's why....

• It manages anxiety among close family and friends. Peer pressure is no pleasure...
• It helps you to be honest about why you cannot take time for social events - you are going to spend a lot of time at the doctor's anyways
•  It can surprise you with the support you get. Once you open up, you will realize how many people around you has gone through similar situations. 

Once we started opening up, almost every other person knew someone who had gone through this, knows how difficult the time is, and is willing to help; or even more surprisingly for us, how many people around us had actually gone through this. ( thanks to all those friends for their support.... You have no idea how much it matters to us ). You will get doctor reviews, procedural comparisons, medicine notes and so much moral support. That itself is enough to go ahead and open up.
Given the software dev mentality that i have, i like to analyse this to death and categorize this to 4 phases :

• The Deep Sigh phase - This is phase 1. You are having a conv and you hit upon this difficult question of " so what are your family plans?". You stop for two seconds, take a deep sigh, and start " you know what, we are going though an IVF....." 
• The Tilted Head Phase - This is phase 2. You have used up your quota of sighs ( and it doesn't work when you try to :) ), you continue your conversation without stopping, but by tilting your head to one side and having a "this is a difficult topic" face expression.
• The "Oh That!" Phase - No conversation stoppers, just an "oh that! that is because we are going through an IVF..."
• The "You mean you still don't know this? phase - well, you get the idea. by now, probably the radios are announcing your progress in their daily news :)

This opening up business has also given us phenomenally funny moments in our journey. I had a lady friend who was also going through some difficulty in getting pregnant and was taking medical advice. ( She is blessed with an adorable baby now :) ) Anyways, we used to discuss this quite often. One day, when I was at the airport, she called me up excitedly, and said that she is pregnant. I requested her to call my wife and tell her this, as i would be getting on a plane and i would have to switch off my cell phone. I kind of missed the fact that this friend and my wife has not talked earlier at all  :):):)

So here is how the conversation apparently went :

Triiiiinng triiiiiing ....
My wife picks up the phone.

"Hi this is ...., is this Aparna?" a voice from the other side ( Aparna is my wife)
"Yes"

"Oh hi!" 2 seconds silence
(awkward silence, my friend suddenly realized this is the first time she is speaking to Aparna )

"Hi Aparna, I Know Jay, and I am Pregnant"

2 seconds silence this side of the line. and then, a fitting reply
"I also know Jay, but i am not pregnant......."

What happened when i came back from my trip is still classified information.

The Days of Exploration- and some research on the US healthcare regarding IVF

As I sit today for another one of my business trips to US, my mind wanders back to the days when we made the first trip.. We were quite confused, after the discussion with Dr. GHP, on what we should do. Should we cancel the trip and continue with the treatment, or should we go ahead and come back for the treatment?

Our decision was helped by Dr. GHP herself, when she mentioned that we could go and come back whenever we are ready for the procedure. And given that we had already committed for the trip, we decided to take the same. The next day, we were on a flight to US. But our minds, they never rest, do they?

Knowing the health care policies in US, we ended up doing some amount of research in doing this in US. As usual, our research starts with a search in Google. J The first thing to remember and know in US is that, if the Health Insurance firms do not cover the treatment, you probably would have to take multiple loans to cover the cost. ( I have heard stories of how some people had to sell off their properties in India to cover their IVF costs ). Anyways, in this line, there are 14 states who mandate that IVF procedures be covered in their Health Insurance Policy. Here is the page from National Conference of State Legislatures which list these 14 states. 

Here is also another page from fertility life lines.com – which lists 15 states. Louisiana is the state that is missing in the prev URL.

So, if your company is registered in the above 14 or 15 states then, your insurance policy will cover infertility treatments. But hold on before you get the smile on your face.. J - there is some small print: ( which is also listed in the fertility life liens page, but I thought I would add my own stuff )

• 1.       Check if your employer’s plan is “fully insured” or “self funded” . If they are fully insured, the company has to follow state laws, and if they are self funded, they are exempt from the state laws and only need to follow federal regulations.

 The impact? Even if your company is registered in any of the 14 states, but is self funded, then they do not have to cover the IVF costs. So please check this with your company.

• 2.       On a related note, I also heard from people that the employer’s policy should be written in one of the 14 / 15 states for it to cover the IVF costs.. But I couldn’t understand it too well.

• 3.       AS the next step, even if your company covers Assisted Reproduction, please check on what all procedures do they cover. There are multiple ways of getting this done, and IVF is just one way of it.  In addition to this, IVF is done in multiple cycles. You should also check on how many cycles are covered in the insurance.

btw, INCIID provides a list of employers who are infertility and adoption friendly: http://www.inciid.org/article.php?cat=statemandates&id=243

Though our company is registered in New Jersey ( one of the 14/15 states mentioned above ), we realized ours is a self funded policy and hence does not cover IVF costs.  Anyways, since we were residing near Boston, MA, we were consulting with the Boston IVF  – Dr. Alison  Zimon, who not only confirmed the diagnosis, but also put us through the insurance person to get us properly counseled. Since our residency was in MA, ( once again, one of the 14 / 15 states above ), we could apply for a personal insurance from any providers – Blue Cross Blue Shield, MA,  Harvard Pilgrim, MA  and one more provider (I forget name) 

The counselor urged us to speak to each of the co. and get the policy that we felt was applicable to us.  She mentioned that my spouse could decline my employer’s insurance and get a personal insurance.

We first called the Blue Cross Blue Shield Office, and here is where we had a surprise waiting for us. The representative told us that as per the latest health care reforms law passed, if I do have an employer’s insurance, I cannot decline it and take a personal insurance! I couldn’t then ( and still not able to ) get any corroboration from any data sources in the net for this.. If any of you have any data supporting this, please feel free to comment…

Also, about the cost of IVF, we were told that each cycle of IVF would cost around $12,000 - $8,000 for the procedure and $4,000 for the medicines and pharmacy charges. (I am basing this on memory alone, I could be wrong. Request you to please check this up with verified sources). The cost for this treatment in Prashant Clinic was about 1.5 lac for each cycle with about Rs 30,000 for contingency ( that would be approx  $ 4,000 per cycle – with the conv rate of about 45 Rs to 1 $ )

This made our choice quite simple. We decided to do the procedure back in India with Dr. GHP. We started to plan for this – logistically and financially. J

The Days of Anxiety

Every time somebody asks me the question "Do you have any siblings?" - I have always replied back with a smile "Well, my parents saw how i am turning out, and they realized that having one is enough for them!! :)"

I am sure that it is true, but 4 years back, this didn't stop my wife and i from attempting to have our own kid.  The kid turning out to be like me is not enough incentive for us not to add on to an already hopping, jumping population. But then, there seemed to be a problem. This kid was just refusing to be.

Having had got tonnes of forwarded emails about how stress affected everything from the growth of finger nails to the  color of the hair, we decided not to wait until the stars align and seek professional help. Today, when we  look back at what we did, it seems glaringly clear to us that this is where we made our first mistake. Anyways,  in all our naivete, we chose to consult a gynecologist. 

"There is no significant problem, ma. Nothing to worry about. It's just two years of your marriage - go ahead and keep trying" was her advice. Probably lulled by the sound of what exactly we wanted to hear, we did that. Months went past, nothing else happened. At one point, we crossed paths with someone who put her hand onto her chin and said "hmmmm.. shouldn't you try another doctor?" And we met a famous new dr - Dr. Kurien. This turned out to be even more interesting :)

It was extremely difficult to get an appointment with Dr. Kurien. You had to book about a month or so ahead if you wanted an appointment. With him, the advice remained the same - what did change was the time frame between two visits to the Dr. We moved on from being "recently married" to "oh yes, we are married" time-lines.

Meanwhile, life at home was becoming more strained and funny at the same time. There were moments of sudden remembrance of the days of the month causing hurried unexplained departures from friends' parties. There were days of "relaxation" and deliberate staying away from fights - marking this fight to be picked up on another day! Now when we look back at that, it's always with a smile.

My work decided to relocate me to the United States, meanwhile. Since "there was nothing significantly wrong with us and we should continue to try", we also thought a change of scene would do us good. I flew in to US a month ahead of when i would take my wife also there. During this one month, my dear wife resigned from her employment and decided to spend one month of vacation at her native place.  During this stay, her parents wanted her to meet their family Doctor -  a certain Dr. Vasanthi. That's when the news broke!

My wife was diagnosed with a situation called Endometriosis. Dr. Vasanthi adviced Laparoscopic surgery which would remove about 70% of the condition and then advised us to go ahead and try. So we went ahead with the laparoscopic surgery.

Few days after this, my friend called me to tell me a good news - his wife was to deliver their kid that night. Completely thrilled, my wife and I went to the hospital to keep him company and welcome the new born to this world. That's when we first saw this hospital called Prashant Clinic - Prashant Fertility Research Center, to be precise. We decided to consult the resident dr Dr. Geetha Hari Priya at the PRashant Clinic just for a second opinion.

If you have never been to Prashant Hospital, what i mention would seem scary, or probably funny. This doctor had about 100 people waiting to see her, at about 10:00 PM. As our visits became more frequent, we realized that was not a one night issue - the crowd exists every day, but Dr GHP, as she is referred to, will consult everyone waiting in the hall, irrespective of the time. Our patience was rewarded after a two hour wait - around midnight.

One look at our file and Dr. GHP simple mentioned "Oh this is stage 4 Endometriosis - the only way you can conceive is through an IVF procedure. "

We looked at each other. We had tickets to travel to US in about 28 hours from them. What should we do? Should we travel or no?
......

Those days Gone and these days going...

Few months back, my wife and I made through a trip through the Western Coast of  USA. A trip that opened our eyes to a lot of the wonder that is nature - there is no other way to describe standing spell bound on the edges of the Grand Canyon, gasping at the world's best preserved meteor crater and lot more adventures.

It also expanded our views on some of the man's advances. From seeing the tribal laws co-exist with federal laws peacefully to the most unbelievable realization of a dream - Viva Las Vegas!
( i hold no copyright to the image, i just used one that came up in Google search :) )


The trip took us through some of the most scenic drives and some very beautiful cities and places...

And i thought, i would go ahead and revitalize my blogs with detailed travelogues. Procrastination, unfortunately took over. And now, there is something that we are going through, which brings in anxiety and information is not that easy to locate. Hence i thought i would start writing again, trying to consolidate the information that i am gathering, so that it might help others in their quest for knowledge in the related field.

Blogging, here i come back again! :)

Fasten your seatbelts... and get started on your presentation :)

Earlier in my life ( when there were more black hair on my head… ah, well, when there were more hair on my head, period :) ), i used to think that the best time to let your creative juices flow into a ppt is during your flight - no one to disturb, no int

ernet to deviate you…
Well, you know what, since those days, many travel hours later, i have a very good learning. And here is a graphical representation of why…

If you were to show the time you spend on a flight as a rectangle - here is how i think the time gets sliced to multiple activities

:)

2 People and the Joy of Christmas!

Whenever we give gifts, my wife and I try our level best to give something that would make sense and meaning to our friends. For a couple celebrating their anniversary, we decided we would try and make a caricature and gift to them. In a mall nearby, my wife and i always see the cartoonist, drawing caricatures of people. ( Oh btw, have you ever tried standing behind the artist and enjoying the caricature? It is so much fun to make faces looking at the work in progress, as the "models" go from smiles, to frown to worry; as they try to judge how good the cartoon is based on your reaction :):) )

Anyways, we always get these brainwaves quite late in the day. Their anniversary had already come and gone and we thought we would give it to them when we meet them for the Christmas party. And of course, today was Christmas eve - the day all shops close sooner than often and people rush to their homes to celebrate Christmas eve with their loved ones. :) So, we rushed to the mall. We find the cartoonist having lunch and we mentioned we would be back in like 20 min or so giving him time to finish up lunch.

When we came back, we saw him just getting started on creating a cartoon of someone. In true spirit, thinking we would be next in line, we saw down next to him, watching humanity running around doing their last minute gift shopping. After few minutes, he turns and looks at us and says " Oh, you are back with the photo to be cartooned. But i am sorry, i am doing my last one for the day - i am sorry i wont be able to draw yours today."

We were a little taken aback... being such well planned people, we had of course not planned for any back up :)

"Huh? But you asked us to .... and we need it .. you were having lunch..." our pleads and protests fell on a totally flat face. He stopped drawing for a moment, with a lot of deliberation, turned towards us, shrugged and said "sorry, I can't do your job now!" . And then calmly went back to his work. That's it - it was like an instant dismissal.

As we walked away from him trying to figure out what should we make of our gift idea, when my wife told me - "why don't you at least try to convince him?"

"OK" i said, and i went back to standing right next to the artist. Didn't want to disturb him - you don't want him to pour his frustration with us on the cartoon that he was drawing for some one else :). After some time, he turns to be with a lot of frustration on his face and picks up his eye brows. It's a silent, but about to explode with frustration "yes?"

I put on my what i think is my best smile, "you know, this was meant as a gift to our friends, and we haven't planned for anything else.. Is there some way you can help us out?"

I have tried this question at various places, and have had various answers ranging from a sweet smile and "Oh, okay, let me just do that. its after all just ten minutes' to the same sweet smile and "I am really sorry - i wish i could help you, but i really can't..." etc - but truly, i haven't had the reaction that i got from him, from many others.

he just dropped his hands in frustration, rolled up his eyes, got a frown on his face "you know, its Christmas eve, and i just can't keep working like..."

I didn't event let him finish "you know what, it's okay, i am sorry. Merry Christmas!" We simply walked away. It was Christmas and he was probably expected to be in a party. But then, isn't it the season of cheer? If Santa could hop on and off these many homes with his big tummy and still laugh all the way with his loud Ho! Ho! Ho!, would a smile from the artist have hurt? And to top it all, it was his benefit all the way - I was going to pay him - It was not free service! Why was he being grumpy at me for that?

Anyways, this small twist had given us couple of hours of our time that we hadn't planned for. The malls were closed, and on an outside hope, we called our Fitness Studio to see if they were open ( Probably Santa needed a workout ? :) )

Surprising they were. The person who took the phone was Sam, who had registered us and so we knew by name. So, when we were signing in, we asked Sam out of curiosity - how come you are working now?

She smiles sweet and bright and said "Well, the company's policy said that we had to be open today till 10 PM. And it had to be either me or my manager. My manager has two small kids and i was definitely not going to keep him at work on Christmas eve - the kids will be heart broken!".

Both my wife and I stopped in our tracks - we were pleasantly surprised. We know how important Christmas is for people here and to see someone working late into Christmas eve, and that with such happiness and cheer was very surprising to us.

"You know, i don't have kids", she continued with the same smile and cheer. " so i decided to stay back. And anyways, i can always get home before midnight and be with my family including my nieces on Christmas"

We were simply bowled over. You know how some people in such situation has that tone of "I sacrificed my joy. Sympathize with me". That was not how Sam spoke. She was just happy that she was able to get her manager's kids happy. It wasn't a tone looking for sympathy or any response. She just said ti so full of smile, cheer and warmth!

Just two random people from across different walks of life - both faced with same situation, work a little extra when everyone else is going home. And look at what a difference a simple change in attitude brings. I wonder how i react in such situation! Wish we all had that ability, the attitude to be like Sam, seeing the positive side of things always and having the happiness of making others happy.

My wish to Santa this year was to make more them like Sam :)

Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!

"Take me to your leader!..."

That seems to be the standard dialogue Aliens say every time they land on Earth.. In one of the quirky moods, i was watching the movie "The Day the Earth stood still" ( not the 1951 original, which i have watched quite many years earlier :) - but the 2008 Keanu Reeves Version. The Aliens come out and tell the awestruck humans - "Take me to your leader".. the story goes that we are first taken to the political leaders, who speak of protection, of defending earth and killing the aliens which does nothing to the alien intent of eliminating Earth ( as a punishment for all the bad things we are doing ). Later, the aliens are made in touch with a brilliant scientist who shares all the good things we are doing with the aliens and tell him, that we humans have a history of uniting and doing good things when we are at the tipping point. This alien visit is a tipping point and hence we will pull up our socks. Fortunately for us humans, Reeves as the messenger is convinced and saves the world.

I switched off the flickering tube and i wondered to myself, who truly are our leaders? Is it the politicians who govern, who administer rules and regulations and direct the country, and thus the world; or is it the brilliant, eminent minds - the scientists, the thinkers who lead the world through brilliance, inventions and discoveries?

I, for one, tend to choose the scientists. It is these minds, that convey the growth that we have collectively had. It is truly these minds that have shown us the way to move forward. These eminent brilliant minds are our true leaders. The rest of us, politicians, economists, common public have only either supported the growth or stayed out of their way.

Don't misunderstand me- the rulers, the governors are necessary, to ensure that the scientific thoughts are directed well, are regulated well, and change is managed well among the larger world.

Who would you take the aliens too, if you were stopped one day and told, in a metallic voice "Take me to your leaders" ???

( The movie posters are courtesy, wikipedia. I just loved the 1951 poster and could not but put it there for all of us to enjoy. :) )

Of Innovation and Daily life!

Have you ever moved your house? If you haven't, you should definitely ! :) -That is the day when a lot of worldly realizations hit you. Things such as: There are still a lot of people whose bills cannot be settled by credit card; and, remember that plastic card called the ATM card - well the daily limit for withdrawal of money from an ATM is not so big!! :) ( especially when point no.1 has come true for you :) )

Normally, needing cash would mean getting hold of your account number - which beyond being printed in that obscure place in the cheque, we never bother imprinting in our mind. Then going to the bank, getting hold of the withdrawal slip and filling up all the numbers; withdrawing money. ( and if the cheque books and stuff are well packed by your better half, that simple task of getting the account number can be a very formidable task :) )

So here i was, in the exact situation that i mentioned above. All my documents were well packed and there was no way that i could convince my wife to open the package. It was easier to face the sarcastic look of the cashier while i ask her for the number of my account. As i walked into the bank, i was in for a very interesting and innovative surprise. ( btw, Can a surprise be innovative? :) )

There were no withdrawal slips or deposit slips!!!

Every counter had a card swipe machine in front of them. The same machine which you find in countless merchants - which is so familiar at the billing counter of any shop. Well, each counter had this machine. So, when you want to withdraw money, you simply swipe your card, key in your pin number and tell the amount that you need to the teller. She authenticates your id, enters the amount and you are rich!!!

That's it! Don't you think it is an excellent innovation? Of course, it does make it extremely painless, less time consuming and easy for the user, also imagine what it does to the bank... It doesn't have to maintain another set of database about the withdrawal slip numbers. they don't have to build logistics around printing and delivering those slips .. I think its simply great.

I have always been a sucker for using technology for simple day to day life activities. And i couldn't stop but keep marveling at this simple innovation that has made the process so simple. Another similar innovation that i have seen is in the Universal studio, where they have used fingerprint based biometrics for lockers.

They don't allow you into some of the rides in the Universal studio if you have a bag or a purse etc. And there are lockers available where you can store your belongings if you want to go to these rides. But lockers have locks; and together with it are those small things that have a tendency to get lost so easily- called keys. And i am sure the park management did not want to worry about lost keys, forgotten keys etc - So they had a very simple plan. They connected all the lockers to a central computer. You go to the screen, scan your fingerprint, and pick a free locker. the computer open the locker for you. Put your stuff in, and close the door - it locks. To open the locker, scan your fingerprint, computer identifies your locker number and opens it for you. After two hours, the lockers are auto opened ( if i remember right ) so nobody can take a locker for more than 2 hours!

I thought these instances of leveraging technology to help day to day activities are absolutely brilliant examples of out of the box thinking and innovation. No wonder more and more companies are asking the users to submit the ideas that they can convert to functionalities in their product.

Way to go, technology! :)

Of Growing Wisdom and Going Hair!

They say as age comes, so does wisdom. They also say, that as youth goes, so does the hair on your head.

I definitely don't know about wisdom, but my hairlines are receding fast enough to prove my age!

I cross one more year off my list this month!! :)

Psst - Who are these "they"? I would certainly like to meet them! :)

B a a a a b u u u u j i i i i i !!!!!!

New York city is a wonderland. The lights, the hustle, the people - it just grows on you! Our first visit to this wonderful city was in the biting cold winter. And so, it was but natural to try and visit there when the days are long, and the dun god stays with us a little longer!

And this time, we wanted to be tourist-y. And we saw this open-top buses going around and decided that it would be the best way to see all of New York. ( And it would also be the safest way to keep our spouses at a good distance from all those shops! :) ). So, in the mass of people swirling all around us, we found the uniformed sales guy of one of the open top bus tour company. and then we patiently stood around him as he opened the brochure, showed us all the routes, and all the additional things of the plan. My eyes, were going all around the brochure, looking for the one most important thing, the cost of this! ( I am pretty sure that all the other's eyes were also going round and round searching for the same! :) ). Finally found it - there it was, hidden among the colorful "!" and the "!!" - the number written after a $sign. It was 53$. A quick mental calculation ( backed by one of us who stepped back and did on his iphone :) ) arrived at $318 for 6 of us.

The rep was quite happy, and like an experienced rep, gave us our 6 seconds of private thoughts discussing the total cost. When he came back, we had decided - we were going to go ahead with it.

Credit cards were handed over, and the rep was sliding them through the machine. And one of us couldn't resist ask this ( for the rest of us, it was running in our minds :) - we just couldn't bring this out! ) " So, we are 6 of us, what discount do you give us? do we get a consolidated 6 tickets at $300?"

We were ready for a frowned "No", a rough shake of head, even feigning ignorance of our question. But nothing could have prepared us for the response. It was a classic Russell Peters moment. :)

The sales rep looked up with a beaming smile, and said "Baaaboooojiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!" It was an instant recognition of where we came from!. I couldn't but help bursting out with laugh! "No baaabujiiiii.. we cant do it!!! :) Babuuuuuuuuuuuuujiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!" :):):)

The humor in the situation hit me instantly. Imagine New York City visited by 1000's, nay, 10s of 1000's of people everyday, and one question can spark recognition of an entire set of people! Brilliant. The most intriguing part was, as much as were we embarrassed at being called Babuji, i don't think the sales rep meant it in a derogatory way. It was just a friendly conversation. There was no sarcasm, there was no derogation, no humiliation - just a good sense of humor and a conversation between friends.

We did get the tickets - without any discount, and we did make the city tour. And i think this incident made it as much enjoyable as any other!

Recently, i had another chance to enjoy this moment. One of our friends had moved back to India form US and had given us the responsibility of selling off their car child seats. We had an enquiry about this from an India couple. We had our own travel plans that day and hence decided to meet them on our way, near their place of stay.

The meeting was in downtown Boston, quite near the waters. And my BlackBerry app told me that the only ends that residents of that area would try to meet might be of their clothes :) - It was quite a well off area. Few minutes later a Mercedes Benz pulls up behind us. One of those new swanky version, with in built GPS and all the bells an whistles. The potential buyers get out of their car, smiles and pleasant hellos are exchanged. They examine the car seat, the retail price of which are in multiple 100 $$. We had them listed for a throwaway price of 20$. We were more interested in getting that to people who could use them than having them stocked at our house.

Back to this couple, who live in a posh area, travel in luxury cars and hopefully will find good use of the car seat they decided to take from us. The seat is moved to their car. The lady takes her bag, opens the purse, and then looks up to us and asks

"Is it negotiable?"

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuujjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!" :):):)

Happy Onam!

Come August / September, there is a smile in every Malayali's face and heart. It is the official excuse for us to eat, sing and be merry. Why, you ask us? Its because it is Onam - Kerala's own festival of Harvest!

There are things that we want very well defined - like the color and the feel of our clothes, like the dimensions of our house; and there are some things which are never defined - like our festivals. It simply means has its own unique meanings to everyone. And conveniently, we all take it to mean what we want it to mean!

For foodies (like me :) ), it is an excuse - and an official one at that - to eat more ( lovingly refered to as Ona Sadya ), for kids - it is an excuse not to study and to expect new clothes, for the new city bred middle class - it is a formal excuse to splurge at an exquisite restaurant ( and not the same one that they went all week, anyways :) ), and for those menfolk, nay, married menfolk, whose better halves control their reach to their favorite bitter liquids, it is an official excuse to bring out those bottles and enjoy them with their friends!

I have lots of fond memories (and quite so many almost withered photographs) of my own Onam celebrations. The first thing to think of during Onam are the pookkalams - the design made by colorful flowers. In those times, entrepreneurs hadn't commercialized our lives as much, so, for us short kids in shorts, it was nothing short of an expedition in the early morning to get ( pick, jump and pick, jump and steal :) ) as many flowers as we could get ( and get them before other kids get them or the neighbor wakes up to safeguard his little garden :) ). Once the collection is over, you hand it over to the experts - the parents, the uncles and aunts who would then use all their imagination to make pretty designs on the floor with them. Some geometrical, some color patterned - but there was one thing that was always there - they were always pretty and beautiful!

Almost in all the Onams that i can remember, i got the Onakkodi - the new clothes! My face would lighten up at the sight of those new clothes and i would try to be in them in no time flat. There were no brands, no fancy labels, but the just the fact that you are wearing something new was more than any other joy! There was only one more joy, that could overpower this one - the one that is caused by the lifting smell of the OnaSadya!

More than the varieties of food ( and the pappadoms - oh the pappadoms! - the crispy crispy fried wafers! ) it was the variety of people around that used to make me happy - All the uncles, the aunts, the parents, the grand parents - it was an occasion when the whole big house would turn into a big home by the loud conversations, the laughter and the happiness. Those few days, everyone would forget all the trouble of the day to day life - the togetherness would cover all that.

After the Sadya, after everyone has cleaned up, slowly one by one everyone would try to catch up few winks of sleep. The entire family would be in the same room, lying on the cold red oxide floors or on bamboo mats, chitchatting with each others, the voices slowly, lazily transitioning into silence or light snores.

You know how these politicians spoil everything for you? :) They had my parents convinced (like pretty much all the other parents, i guess ) that good education is a must have for all growing kids. It was already bad enough with the milk and vegetables, now education too ? :( Anyways, my parents were convinced and they took me off to Ranchi, where my father was employed, to make me join a bigger school and continue my studies. But then, to their credit, they did keep the tradition of Onam live, in our hearts and in our home!

Onam was still the day to expect good food and new clothes. It was just that the North Indian School mgmt found no reasons to give a week of holidays to the kids for some king visiting the Southern State of Kerala. ( Don't know legend? Look here! ) We might have moved physically away, miles up north, from the family in Kerala - from all those uncles, aunts, grand parents, but we had found our family here too. The colony where we lived had a very healthy group of malayalees an Onam was a reason for the dearest friends to come together, cook and eat the Sadya together. I still remember all the fun, laughter and cheer that the crowd would have at our house, people crowding to cut vegetables, to cook - the only difference, for me , was to convince my father that Onam was reason enough not to study ( I think the above said politicians had influenced by father much more than my grandparents - so it was as much more difficult to convince )

Those were the days the telephone numbers still 3 digits or at best 4, the TVs had antennas and the only network signal strength that we were all worried about were the Doordarshan TV strength! So the Onam was also the time write many letters - to all the family and near and dear friends, not a real substitute for the chitchatter while sliding to sleep in the cold red oxide floor, but it would convey all the happiness, all the cheer and the closeness that we felt with the same strength!

"Onam weekend" also made its official entry - the weekend when the Malayalee Association would hold the Onam festivities in the community center - cultural activities that included a Pookkalam competition, a very elaborate OnaSadya and a screening of a Malayalam film ( which almost always turned into a fashion show to showcase who had the best looking clothes :) )

Education or no education, it was not stopping me from growing up. towards my college time, the Indian govt, gracefully accepted my father's request for a transfer and relocated us to Chennai - In south India, neighboring our home state, Kerala. Time might have changed a lot of things, our address, our outlook, our clothes and shoes - but Onam still held a very special place in my hart. Along with the faded jeans, the graphic t shirts and Michael Jackson the city life had brought along its own influences - and so did it bring compromises on the Onam celebrations. The Pookkalams were restricted to the "live telecast of the Pookkalam competition from our studios". It was no more "cool" to wear shiny new clothes.. :). But one thing remained - The OnaSadya ( with the pappadums, oh those crispy fried pappadums ). Since it would have been such a drag to prepare the elaborate Sadya for just the three of us in the family, my friends were usually invited for the lunch. Some of them, throughly enjoyed it, but for some others, it used to be a refresher course in "100 different ways to use coconut in food items!" :) With my father being the eager host that he is, he would always ensure that the "guests" always eat to his, which usually was much more than their, fill :) After the fulfilling food, all of us would just crash out on the couch, and my mother would walk in with the small bowls of Payasam!! How much ever full we were, we would all invite this with smiles!

After the heavy Sadya and the payasam, my friends and I would chitchat about girls, about classes and making plans of catching up in the evening. The evening was to be my "treat" in any of the local chaat shops. The official Onam weekend still remained, but transitioned to a eve of Onam festivals at our college hostel. More of cooking, more of fun, more of festivities. I still remember one Tug of War competition which was between the lecturers and the admin staff of the college - and in the middle, the rope just gave way. As the lecturers piled on one another, there was a rush from the "organizing committee" to the kitchen!!! :)

As much as i was growing, so was technology and so were the digits in the phone numbers - they had increased to 7 digits from those 3 and 4 digits. One of those 7 digits also adorned our wooden cabinet. The long letters were now replaced by the long set of digits that we had to dial to speak to each of our friends and family. As much as the Inland Letter would limit the words in the letter, the fear of a huge telephone bill would ensure short wishes and small conversations! The only letter that still remained was the long distance aerogramme which would carry our wishes through the letter to our relatives living across the seas. making an overseas call would have tremendous impact on the telephone bills and were as yet forbidden acts at home! Along with these 7 digit wonders, some more things had changed, Doordarshan had given way to the Stars and the MTVs of the world. So as my parents and i cleaned up after the lunch, and lied down in the cold concrete floor of our flat, we would turn to the TV to watch the "Onam Special Malayalam Movie" !! Slowly, the conversations in the movie would transition to our light snores! :)

the nuclear family slowly gave way to the family of friends - and that was really a big group once i completed my education and moved on employment. Onam pookkalams moved back into my real life from those telecasted in the TV's - but there were slight differences though. Those homely events were now called "Corporate Motivational Events" and moved to the tiled and marbled floors of our offices. The search for the bright colorful flowers in the misty chilly mornings with friends were replaced by vroom filled motorcycle trips in the previous night to the crowded hot dusty flower bazaars. The fear of getting caught while nipping flowers from our neighbors Garden were replaced by the fear of not getting enough budget from our bosses to buy them! The simple eloquent color patterns were replaced by complex designs, downloaded from the Internet. The child's simple and wide-eyed "oooh - look at our neighbors designs, that is so pretty" were replaced the youth's competitive ' Look at them, their design has more colors, lets also get some more colors! - Lets google for more designs!!!!"

The thrill of wearing new dresses had transitioned to a fancy dress show aptly titled, Traditional dress days by our employers! This bought the comical melange of traditional "Mundu" being worn by very un-traditional youngsters so used to the jeans and baggies! So mundu's usually would be accompanied by a tightly worn leather belt around the waist to ensure no mishaps! :) And there would definitely be one of those jokers, who would conveniently forget that bright colored underpants would show up through the simple attire :). Colorful Saris and Salwars fought for attention among shiny silk Kurtas in the office space that would usually witness a flurry of light blue and white shirts! Even the OnaSadya had its own transition. The lovely aromas of home cooked food were replaced by wide eyes of those beautiful Sadya photos in the restaurant websites. The happy crowding around the dining table by the family was replaced by the still happy crowding at the local restaurant among thousand other folks!

Along with the wallets ( that would pay for the elaborate OnaSadya ) that would be artfully placed at some place in the mundu, shirt pocket or the belt,every person was also adorned with one more weapon - that of the mobile phones!. The short conversations after the long list of digits got changed to cryptic text messages sent as bulk to 523 names in the address book. The joy of hearing the family's voice in the phone was replaced by the joy of hearing the continuous "beep-beeps" as more and more friends and family sent the same messages to your phone!

Times changed, practices changed - and yet the festival keep coming back to us year after year.

Here i am now, sitting in a foreign country, looking at a blinking monitor as mails keep dropping in. It's just another work day here. Cars ply carrying their coffee drinking drivers to offices, people walk past each other engrossed in their BlackBerrys. A bowl of steamy Oats cereal sits on my table as i rewind my fond memories in my head. Feels very funny to look out and not see even a small sign of a festival. In India, irrespective of where you are, you could always look out nd see some sign of a regional festival - a corner temple having too many sandals outside, a sweet shop having a crowded stall, a child walking gleefully in new shiny dress holding her father's hands, loud conversation snips carried by the wind talking with laughter and carrying the wishes - there would be something that infect you with the pleasantness and cheer of the festival.

As i turn my gaze from the window, i can hear my wife in the other room, using the latest technology of internet based calling to wish all our family and friends a Happy Onam. No worry of a huge bills, no cryptic messages - the same long winded talks that you would have had if the family was sitting next to each other.I Can hear small snips of her conversations - wishing families happy Onam - inquiring about the Sadya - and i am suddenly drawn into a feeling of goodwill and cheer. Drawn to the togetherness that has somehow traveled across the globe from our family to wrap its warm hands around us.

It lasts a fleeting instant to be destroyed by the continuous "beeps" of new emails buzzing in. But it is enough - it makes my day and fills my face with a smile, as i alt-tab to my email window and start my day.. "Thanks for the mail - but i am not sure....."

Happy Onam Folks!!!!