I Pledge

Everyone's talking about terror.

SMS, tickers, blogs, twitter - everything talks about how we can take it. Aren't we supposed to have reached our limits of accepting terror ? We should give it back? How can we be not prepared?...

Emails are flying. Lets spread the message. Lets get all Indians together. terror is at our doorstep and we have to stand united.

We forward this to hundred people and then, log out our systems, and walk out into our world. Then we spit on the roadsides, we jump signals, we bribe the policemen to escape a heavy fine for traffic rule violation.

In Chennai, OMR has probably the largest traffic by educated drivers. All the software companies attract all the big colleges and talented people. So are the roads the safest? Are the roadsides the cleanest? Nope!!!!!

I decided, i would simply delete those forward mails, and would silently make one resolution. To pledge. to be responsive and good to the country.

I Pledge.
Not to litter or to make my country dirty.
Not to jump signals and violate traffic rules.
Not to bribe policemen toescape from hefty fines.
To vote.

I Pledge.
To respect India.

For that is the first step in respecting the sacrifice that the brave policemen are making in Mumbai. and all over the country.

What are People?

Some of them are just names. Ramanujappa, Ravi, Paul....

Some of them are faces, they twist into a smile when they meet you. But when we don't see them, we don't miss them.

Some of them are words, they make you see and hear them.You know them, you interact with them. There is this space that they occupy near you.

But few of them, are identities. People who make you feel them. They talk to you. They are with you. You change with them. Sometimes, for them. You smile with them. You smile for them. They make you smile. They point this way and you see a part of life. They point that way and you see a differnt life

And then one day, they die.

And then you ask yourself. Why did this happen to me? It was so comfortable having them around. Couldn't they stay with us for some more time ?

There is a story of a Yaksha who asks Yudhishtira this:
Qn: What is the most wonderful thing in the world?

And Yudhishtira replies:

Each day there are many that die and yet the rest of us watching believe ourselves to be permanent. That is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Poignant, and yet painfully true.

The Void

Krishnamurthy says "The moment one's by oneself, it begins. Any desire for its continuaunce, any disappointment if it does not continue does not exist. IT is simply there whether one wants it or not. It's beyond all reason and thought"

I miss my parents. and slowly all those days all those times of togetherness are fleeting in front of my eyes. I wish i had some spectacular memories to come flashing by. All that comes are simple straight memories - of anger, of fighting, of laughter, of being caught, of daily life. Those Sunday evenings, when my mother used to spend time pressing my clothed - she wanted to save that money. Not knowing the financial distress that we were going through, i used to refuse any help to my mother as i find the press-wallah right in front of my house.

My father - the idealistic man with his set of principles. Lot of poeple ridiculed him, some liked him. But he never let that bother him. The only thing that used to bother him was that we used to get bothered about such comments.

.... I wish to write more, but am flowing though too many too fast thoughts....

Krishnamurthy mentions his comment ( at the start of the blog) about conssciousness, for me its more of a depression. That's somewhere close to where i am now. - A void. It is that small place between here and there. And i am there.

To rely back on Krishnamurthy again "The pressure continues and the strain is at the base of the head and it's painful"

Ref: Krishnamurthy's notebook

Silent Revolution

I'd like to believe that a Revolution is on. A silent one at that. And i would like to dream that the wave is slowly gaining momentum till such time that it becomes a huge rollicking wave - changing the face of the sea.

For me, it started with a pleasant surprise of a print ad today morning in the Economic times.

The gist is this - Here's a chance to lead India. And no kidding.

And here's the deal. The Times of India gives you 50 lacs for a social welfare project (This and all that follows are only if you are selected, i guess). And then yo get a chance to do a masters in political sceience from Harvard. TOI gives you all the media publicity that you require. And finally, they support you to contest elections. Give you a fair and square chance to live that one life where we can do something for India.

Learn more at this URL: http://www.lead.timesofindia.com/default.asp

The concept is novel, the idea, noble. Now it is time for us to stop lip service and act on our talk. Now it is time, for us to be the change that we wish to see.

Jaago, India, Jaago.

I think the person or people selected through this are the real Indian Idols. People can Sing, can Act. They come and Go. But to lead a country - something that we keep cribbning bout and want to change - So here's the chance.

DO WE DARE?

National Anthem - Commercially packaged!

That's the mantra in everyone's lips today. India turns 60 . And am sure throusands of words have been written, thousands of keys clicked today in praise and in planning for a better land, country, India. Am sure criticisms, suggestions, disappointments, optimism, everything would be spread way across the country's cyberspace today. I, am not going to add to that.

But i really did want to do mouthspeak about one thing that i noticed today across so many TV channels ( After all, isnt it our national pastime to watch reruns of movies in TV on any national holiday ? :) ) Anyways, where was I.. ahh yes i was watching TV and almost every punctuating commercial break had ran ad of a Indian cellular giant. And the ad had various eminent vocalists rendering a very famous composition melodied by a famous composer. The composition - Our Own National Anthem !

I was taught to give respect to my National Anthem. And the first time, it rang through the tv speakers, i was proud that the channels remembered our nation on this day and i stood, in respect, of my country. Fifteen minues later - the same ad again. fifteen min later - again - and again and again and again.

Has our National Anthem become nothing more than a commercial jingle ? Are we respecting it or demeaning it ? Why would i want to listen to my National Anthem as a forerunner to watching a acompany name ? How could the company do it ? How could so many Indian National stand in mute silence when this was approved. It hurts me, and it frustrates me that i cant do anything about it.

Think about it, what further disrespect could you show to your National Anthem - Has it been leased to a company ? Isnt it above all things commercial? HOW COULD YOU???? THis is what kept on rining in my ears. A billion people - eating, sleeping, half sleeping, feet over each other, pointing at the TV, half reading magazines - in all tasks possible, in all positions imaginable would have heard the national anthem promoting a company. Hwo could a national anthem be commericalized?

I dont demand apologies. I do not want uprising of people against this. I only want all of us to understand that is more than just a fad to be patriotic, to have respect and to love your country. It is more than pinning little paper flags on our shirts. After all, there are amongst us, some who would want to get the paper flag without the bill, to save tax.

I stand here, in staunch unacceptance of the advertisement and the company that it promoted. I stand here, head held high, eyes down in respect, on the side of my country.

My Country. I Care.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Sun beating down mercilessly outside, making even the interiors of our room glowing with bright yellow light...

The fan going around itself, in its humming fight to keep the send heated air all around the room....

Kishore kumar smiling at me from the speakers - "mere dil mein aaj kya hein - too kahen to mein bata doon....

I can't but smile at myself as my eyes close me into a lazy nap...

Mere dil mein aaj kya hein....

Just another day at work!

Four years back, i decided to make a small deviation in my career. I moved my brown bag full of things from a desk in a 100 member company to a then 6000 ( and now around 4-5 times that no. ) member organization.

While those exit discussions were on, my then-director told me that i was making a wrong move. That it was better to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than a big fish in a small pond.

I responded that the best of all these would be to be a big fish in a big pond. He laughed at that. Four years later i have a chance to retrospect.

Star Performer in my department.
Amongst the "Associate of the year" across the organization.
Nominated Trainer par excellence
2 rungs of corporate growth in designation.
Much more than that in role.

And more than anything else, i value the recognition that i have earned. When people call asking for advice, and when you know you can provide it - there is no bigger satisfaction.

I keep praying that i never lose my humility.

Grateful. And still working at IT.

Just Another Day, not Judgement Day!

I prayed today that my faith would be justified.
I wanted today that my belief would continue to exist.

I wanted our judicial to reach some verdict today. ( On the 93 Mumbai blasts)

I came back today evening only to realize that as usual, another date was given. Millions of us watched couple of suited high profile defence lawyers smilingly tell us that it is impossible to give verdict even on the new date.

What is left of our system ? What is left of me ? TOmorrow morning, i would pack my bags and leave to my office as usual. Why tomorrow, today, here, now - i am sitting in front of my system and blogging, as usual. I see what is happening around me. To my lay eyes, i think i can understand what is happeneing around me. I know it is wrong. And yet, i chose to stay silent and away.

I kept hearing on the channel that justice has been delayed. I think, within this 13 years, justice was denied long time ago. It is only the verdict that is getting delayed now. Could we at least get that?

And a prominent news channel keep saying mumbaikars are affected; are frustrated; are angry. I have one humble request to the eminent new anchor whose "hair has gone gray over the 13 years" - that the rest of us outside Mumbai are as affected, as involved as the mumbaikars. Could we all, for fleeting fraction of second, be called Indians, please?

Poetry

Was listening to the soulful rendering of this by JAgjit Singh today morning and could not stop myself from blogging this..

Ths is sheer poetry - With due apologies to those who read without knowledge of Hindi - This is a song from Arth.

Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho
Kya Gham Hai Jisko Chhupa Rahe Ho

Aankhon Mein Nami, Hansi Labon Par
Kya Haal Hai Kya Dikha Rahe Ho

Ban Jayenge Zehar Peete Peete
Yeh Ashq Jo Piye Ja Rahe Ho

Jin Zakhmon Ko Waqt Bhar Chala Hai
Tum Kyon Unhe Chhedhe Ja Rahe Ho

Rekhaon Ka Khel Hai Muqaddar
Rekhaon Se Maat Kha Rahe Ho

You could listen to the songs here

Hurt

There is something i keep realizing over and over again.

When u hurt some one you love, you hurt yourself.

And forgiveness is just not from them, but from your own self.

Then why do i keep doing it again and again?

Listen!

"No, you're not listening!"

These words are the most repeated words by a very respcted professor in his classes. With a flowing set of credentials and a with a sense of humor to match his wits, his classes are the most crowded amongst all. His methodology of taking classes inlcudes using the case model - implying we discuss a case study inthe class and through the discussion, learn a lot more than what we would have, had it been lectured upon.

And among the chatoic "participation" from the class, he would continuously embarrass you. With a very verbose and a jargon filled answer, you would think you have scored a brownie point. This would be responded by a sharp look from the prof and a resounding "So?"

So? yeah right, So what? Everyone would look at you smiling telling you in unsaid words that you have were better off closing your mouth and let others suspect you were a fool, than open it and confirm it! Another smartie would then start off who would be waived to silence by the prof still looking at you..

"So?" "What are you trying to tell me?"

You realize that he is actually wanting to listen to you. Understand you. And that adds suddenly adds so much to the whole perspective You would then be forced to describe waht you wanted to say. After that, with a dawn of realization the prof would conclude "Oh, so u r saying that....." and you nod in amazement in the clarity he brought into your argument ( you nod nevertheless, coz u dont wanna be in the hot seat any more :) ). Then he counters you by quoting form the case with a question. When you answer it, he says " No, you are not listening"

There were times when i wanted to stand and tell him, "listen dude, i am listening".. Fear of grades ( or potential lack of it ) kept me quiet! :) But after so many hours with him, i understand what he means.. I was hearing him, but not listening!

When we listen, we need to :
1. Hear what the other person says,
2. think about the same in our mind
3. Identify and dig out the relevant message from the words
4. Confirm with the user if that is the right message.

I wonder how many of life's lessions, i have only heard and not listened to!

Cause and Effect

Cause - Late night study
Effect - Wake up late

Cause - Wonderfully drizzling weather
Effect - Wake up really late

Cause - Wake up really late
Effect - Deviate from routine and get late to office.

It is ironical that right after the day i wrote about routinely meeting people, i should be late to office and miss all the "milestones" previously mentioned :)

Yeah - today, i missed the lady, the blind man and the software geeks. And My life has not changed a bit. No upsetting, no odd feeling. No change in life.

As unmovable as a rock!

Close encounters of the third kind

I have read in various espionage novels that a man with predictable routines are the ones that are the easiest marks. Considering the fact that my impact on the political, economical or the zoological scene is as minimal as anyways possible, i find no hardship in coming to a simple routine of my long trip to office.

When you live about 15 km from where you work-live, and you have been living there for couple of semi-decades, then you get so used to driving that your automatic sub-conscience takes over driving. You just observe life around you as it controls your legs at the pedals, your hands at the steering and generally steer clear of pits, speed bumpers, cows, goats, humans, spits and traffic lights.

The long winding road is full of human milestones, which i have come to notice while my alter-ego drives ( oh i do wear the seat belts :) ) the car. As days go by, we get used to seeing people in certain places, in certain ways that you start expecting them every day. They become part of the journey for you. When any of them are not there, suddenly there is a pang of emotion.

I meet a lady at about 15 minutes distance from home, on the pathway of a crowded junction. I have never even so much as paused my car when i see her, but both of us acknowledge the visibility of each other. Also, over the tidings of time, i think i know pretty much about her. She's married ( happily or otherwise is not knows ) as her sindur proclaims. Apparently she does not work for an IT company, or else there would be the "rope" that hangs from her neck to proclaim that she is a money earner from software.. We pass each other almost every day of the five days that i drive to work and we still don't even as much as acknowledge. But an absence is upsetting. It kinds of makes u a little uneasy... Are you late for work ? Or is she not well ? Or has she shifted her residence ? And so on until i jam my brakes at the signal that has turned red in front of your eyes.

Turn the curve of the road and there is an interesting spectacle. The next stretch of the road is lined by the imposing wall of a very prestigious college. And it is pretty much straight. Right in the middle of the stretch, on the siode of the road, a hero honda bike remains parked with the hero standing next to it. The heroine is various poses, some days standing next to the bike, some days sitting on the seat. They talk. shot by Cupid, every morning, i dont know how much time they spend talking about... about what, i wonder? Wi the the smile on my lips of been there, done that - i can think of thousnds of things - about future ( i mean the evening, and how soon can we reach there ) about very critical things in life ( the new hair style does not suit you ) or psychological advice session with the confident of a person who own the other.. Sigh - somethings, can never change

Farther down the road, couple of turns later, on a further turning, an old man exists. I see him sitting on the pavement, clad only in a dirty dhoti, reading the day's newspaper, not skimming it, not looking at the pictures, serious reading- and not just the movies or the sports section - the hardcore news section. As the car turns, it brings into my view, his truly humble adobe, a section of the pavement, covered by a tarpaulin, to possible ward sun and rain away, very neatly folded bedding and few personal belongings. I wonder who is , who he was. With his confident expression, he is definitely not a beggar or a mad-man. What in essence could have brought such a man to living in the pavments ? Or is it that he has found his nirvana with his simple life? With an air conditioned car and a concrete home to back me up, i still spend so much of time carefully building creases of worries on my forehead. He also reads about the same hike in fuel prices, he also finds out in as much surprise as me about the reservation bill - and yet, he has the ability to take it in as much easier gulps than me.

The non-stop rotating air inside the rubber tyres of my vehicle take me away from this visual question mark quite easily as the car lurches forward through well known avenues and side-lanes. The all familiar rush of school children to a near by school, the honks of incoming cars in a small a road, all that rush past me with a whiff of wind ( i wonder if this is the same whiff that i get when deadlines whizz past me in office :) )

Couple of minutes down the lane, a traffic signals endear life to me. That junction is also signified by an existance of a ladies college, but my eyes always move away from the beautiful samples of female existance. It zooms into one man, walking slowly. Dressed in common attire, most often a striped shirt, and a dark trouser, he walks slowly, a stick prodding the way in front of him. Smiling, mostly. Blind, completely. While my tyres squeel in protest of rushing traffic as the signal opens up, i always wonder where his destination would be. Stuck in a jam one day, i found out that he runs a small PCO booth in the corner. He probably has the "i" taken out of his life, but he braves it with a smile. I wonder if i would be even half as brave as him. Most of us would get into the rut of self sympathy - "Why me ?" I hope i am at least half as brave as him when life faces me with diabolical questions.

As the office draws nearer, there is one more set of people i meet on the road. Dressed fashinably, tupperware carrying, neckbands in place and id cards proudly proclaiming the software company, hands in pockets of trousers ( or in the sides of salwars ) that try to contain a bulging part of anatomy called a tummy, these are the sample of the majority of this city population. Sleepy eyes looking hopefully at the road for the company buses, they stand with dreams of a bigger houses, bigger cars, longer and farther vacations and with nightmares of deadlines, creaky architectures, flowing code and scarier appraisals.

I identify, i smile and i move on.

I wonder, one day, the continuity would break - my routes might change, or their routines might.

The old man might turn to ashes, the blind man taken into another location, the software-s move to another company, would my life still continue un-hitched?

Probably it would.

Untie one knot to tie another

I leave to Kerala on Sunday to get married. For Me to become Us. I would out of office for the next three weeks. And i have to get my Mail clients switched off, my computer logged off and get the desk clean.

And as a part of these activities, i had to remove my name from a particular Distribution List in Office. Just so that my mailbox does not get clogged with Mails.

I had to remove myself from the DL named "Prolite Team". This is my team. For the first time in almost 4 years, i remove myself from all communications that span my team. And surprisingly for a very professional part of me, i felt a little wierd. I wouldnt want to over dramatize by talking about a pang of grief that stabs through my heart and all that jack, but it does really feel wierd.

I pride myself in the way i can keep my professional part of me safe and separated from the intensely personal part, but somewhere there is definitely a convergence. I guess thats what makes me - I, Me and not I, Robot!

And today i turned into a monster

It's been the same road always to office.

The same turns, the same bends, and with the predictable Chennai corporation, it's even been the same pot holes always! The morning cruise has me losing over those melodious songs that play in my car always. That day as usual, mostly unconsciously, i knew where my speedo needle stood, where my fuel gauge stood and even the measure of traffic outside.

And then those tiny limbs shook me out of my reverie.

In the middle of Venkatnarayana road lied a small kitten. Hit by speeding vehicle, blood around it's head, legs shaking desperately, the plea written all over it's face. I felt the pain and i wanted to stop immedietely. I didn't. Not immedietely, at least - not until few throughts rolled around in my head.

Shameless, shocking, Inhuman it may seem, but i force myself to write what feelings went through my mind then which made me waste those precious seconds. I want to face my fear, my shame, my guilt.

"Oh my god - is that kitten dead? Thank god - It's not! - Can i stop here? Here let me get to the side."

"The meeting with Ruth is at 8:30 AM. Would i be late? Should i really stop? Would it be okay if i am slightly late? Oh my god, it's already 8:00 AM - the traffic signals would start getting clogged now. It'll be so difficult to drive. Why can't anyone else take care of the kitten? How can everyone be so heartless?"

.. and then i realized, i was being as heartless and as cold as anyone else. My decision was made.

Just before i stoppped, very shockingly, there was one more thing that i thought of

"What would the people think of me? Would they think i am trying to show off with this act?" Though dismissed as fast as it had occured, on hindsight, how could i even get such a thought?

With hazardlights on, i managed to stop on the side of the busy road, and ran in between those swishing cars and zooming bikes to reach that poor creature. The legs were still desperately moving. I was happy, it was at least alive. Some vehicle had hit it's head before it could move away. I saw the fear, the pain in those eyes for a moment and those cries that it was silently making. If you ever had to put your hands under a bleeding head to support it, you would know what i felt then.

Surrealistically, i was sincerely wanting to hear a movie director call "Cut!!" and to have some people rush into me, get the kitten washed, let the red paint go and then let it jump in joy again. Crossed the road to the hospital. Humans, they said. They treat only humans. And did you hit it? How did it happen?

Save a life - damn them! - that was not in their priority. Got the nearest Vet hospital address from them and i ran to my car. Only to realize that the legs had stopped their movement. The eyes had lost it's life. The small kitten was dead.

I hated myself. Those few seconds could have saved a life. I don't know if it would have, and now i don't have a chance to find out. And i want to believe that it could have. Next time, i do not want to find myself putting anything above saving a life. Any life.

Those lifeless eyes still pleaded at me. At the monster who didn't think it's life was worth saving.

Life

You ever been to Ranganathan street, T.nagar? ( or for that matter, any crowded shopping street, anywhere in the world)

That's how life is. While u stand there, life moves about you, swirling everywhere around you.

Fast, unstoppable, always on the move.

And it brings various people into your contact. Some of them, smiling at you as u look at them, some of them - angry at you for being there. Some of them, would hold you as the rush catches you unbalanced, and yet, some of them would try to pick pocket you. And the funny part is that life does not wait for your reaction. You can decide to be frustrated, angry, decide to just let it go and enjoy yourself - who cares? - apart from you? and the bigger question - whom does it affect - apart form ONLY YOU ? :)

Enjoy yourself while the rush lasts.. For one moment, suddenly, you will notice that the shops are shutting down, the swirling people getting thinner and you know you have to get out of the street, and it will shock you that you have not done anything at all, but tried to react to something which did not matter at all. And what mattered - you never came to doing anything that mattered, because u were very busy reacting at life. :)

So go ahead, live life king-size. Let life do it's salsa all around you. Take it into your hands and jive with it. Dance with it. Make it dance with you, synchronized with the beautiful steps. DO not laugh at it, laugh with it. And make the best of it. And i know you would come out as chirpy as always.


------------ Wrote this in reponse to a birthday announcement mail ( from some one who knew i wud forget her b'day :) ) The content of that mail is also worth blogging.. but wud not do it for "privileged communication" excuse :)-------------------

Elephant Jokes!

Really couldn’t control posting these too !! :)
……………………………………………………………………...

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun, stupid. You strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue,then shoot him with a blue elephant gun. C'mon, this isn't rocket science.

Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: Ok, this one's a little tricky. First you bake a cake, and put 3 raisins on top, then you take it out in the jungle where the pink elephant will find it, and you wait. Eventually the elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the raisins and throws the cake away. Then you go home and bake another cake and put 2 raisins on top, take it out in the jungle where the elephant will find it. The elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the 2 raisins and throws the cake away. You go home and bake another cake and put only one raisin on it. Then you trek back into the jungle and put the cake where the pink elephant will find it. The elephant comes along eats the raisin, and throws that cake away. Still with me? Now you go home and bake another cake, but (here's the sneaky part) you DON'T PUT ANY RAISINS ON IT. You take it out into the jungle where the elephant will find it and lie in wait. The pink elephant comes along and finds the cake, he gets SO mad that there aren't any raisins on it, he turns red. If you've been paying attention then you know the drill now. You jump on him, strangle him until he turns blue, and - that's right - you shoot him with a BLUE ELEPHANT GUN.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Oh, come on, have you ever seen a yellow elephant. Really!

……………………………………………………………………...

Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A So they can hide themselves better in cherry tees.

Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See how well that whole red eyes thing works?

 ……………………………………………………………………...

Laws that we live with!

One of the forwards I got… Couldn't help but blog it!
…………………………………………………………………………………...

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands get coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool,when dropped,rolls to the least accessible corner.

Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged tone.

Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,the next morning you will have a flat tire.

O'brien's Variation Law:
If you change queue,the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bell's Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water,the telephone rings.

Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you dont want to be seen with.

Willoughby's Law:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine wont work,it will.

Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Breda's Rule:
At any event,the poeple whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Owen's Law:
As soon as you sit down to a hot cup of coffee, your boss will ask you to do something ,which will last until the coffee is cold.

Smiles, Always !!! :)

Blogthings...

Hey before u guys start snapping on me for the blogging personality stuff - i didn't say that - i picked this as a result of a small test that i took up at www.blogthings.com - Looks like they have quite alot of other fun stuff too..

oh btw, i changed the image from what came default - the default was a lady typing - why should only girls be thoughtful and not men ? :)

huh? huh ?? huh ???

What's my blogging personality?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?