How soon Vs How Deep ?

I read somewhere that a blogger should write often, and write small - so that people would visit and would read the posts. I've been thinking about it.

I tried to do this - from articulating about things or people that i felt strongly about, which makes my blog slightly longish, and not so frequent - i forced myself to write in pretty much frequently and with brevity.

Now, I definitely do have more posts in my blog, but i have less depth. How do we analyze things without writing long posts? Am not sure if i want to follow this new paradigm. I think i would revert to my olders self. :)

(Btw, has this post become long ? :) )

Christmas - Down Memory Lane!

**All Characters mentioned in this post is real and living. All relation to living claracters and examples are definitely intentional!! :)

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Last night, I was walking through T Nagar ( Ensuring that my dear wife does not pick up too many things when she shops ) and I saw this street vendor selling the red color X mas caps. It immediately brought some fantastic memories and got me smiling.

I remember the Chris-ma, Chris-pa game ( and all the other games) that we played in our Office at Elnet. Dinesh being made to go from person to person with instructions ( all for just one chocolate!! :) ), Sharon stealing the banana from Divya’s Pongal bay decorations, Prabhu hiding under the table trying to escape from Deepa’s bashing and I having to distribute Christmas chocolates wearing a santa claus cap – come to think of it, I think we were total nuts!

It always leaves me with immense wonder as to how indelible some of the memories remain. I can still remember, the recipe instruction that Anusha had got from her friend to make bisi bele bath for one of our pot luck celebrations… I think it went something like:

1. Take cooker, add rice, and togaribele ( I still have no clue what this is :) ) and cook in cooker till three whistles… ( Ppl in anusha’s flat was telling later that they could hear Anusha trying to whistle. )
2. Take tamarind equal to one big lemon ( Imagine telling Anusha about “big” lemon – I heard she took and orange ) and …..
3. ( This is the best part ) For vaggaaarani ( this sounds like a queen’s name :) ) – little oil + Sasive ( sounds like some calling our SAsi.. :) ) + Karabevu
4. Add 4 and 3 and mix….

And to imagine – we had to eat whatever came out!!! :)

Ayon’s excuses for becoming fat was also amazing! – He blames it on him not having the refrigerator – reason? whenever he buys chicken, he has to eat the whole chicken prepared in the same night- and if he has to eat so much chicken, he must have enough rice also… :):):) So, you see, he is not to be blamed for getting larger :)

And of course, how can we forget apna Sharon – who even distributed sweets when Pallikarani was included in master_location table :)

I guess, Laks’s promise of getting a “vaira odyaanam” to Anusha is still not done!!!

I could go on and on….but the best thing to say about those times are best said by Bryan Adams in his ever living song – Summer of ’69:

……. Oh when I look back now, That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice, Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life………

…………….Man we were killin' time, We were young and restless
We needed to unwind, I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no………..

My Car!

My friend gave his five year old Honda City for sale to a dealer. It's wonderful how we suddenly realize the attachment that we have to someone or something just when we are about to part from it.

Suddenly, we remember all the good things we have done together. Even those bad happenings suddenly get remembered with humor and an attachment we never felt before. Even the fact that we cursed when we had a puncture is recounted with a smile on the face.

We shifted our houses some months back, and we took a conscious call that we will give away all those knick nacks ( is that how it is spelt ? ) that we seem to have accumulated through the days. It actually came up to about 11 backpacks or so ( including the backpacks themselves :) ) I had given the job of checking to my wife to see if there was anything of value ( economic, not sentimental - i was clear ) in those bags. After she delcared it okay, we went and donated the whole lot to an orphanage.

I know that my old camcorder, our old dvd player and a lot of my old gadgets was sincerely given away, but somehow, the first silly heart shape that she bought for me, the photoframe which was never used ( but was intended for a specific photo), some nice handiworked gift sent to us from China and the only wall hanging that i had when i got married seem to have been left behind...

I know how they got unpacked. But everytime i pick one of these up and raise my eyebrows, her sheepish smile makes me give up.

But then, aren't these a verys mall price to pay for that smile, that small bit of happiness ? :)

The PGSEM Gang Dinner

One of the biggest worries of any college kid is that once you are out of college, you dont get back to your old friends. But for us, the gang of us who did our PGSEM in IIMB, this was last of our worries. We are all working professionals and fortunately, in the same company too!

So it was not too difficult to just get together for a dinner.  Teacher was as usual, the decider. And no one dared say no to her mail :) Dishes were decided, time was decided and menu was decided. She came with her lovely daughter.  And as usual, she came first!! :)

Mani - was apna PGSEM brand ambassador, wearing the new t shirt. But the center point of attraction was Mani with the latest addition to his family - Mani Jr. :) He looked so lovely.

Ashish babu came in a paukka gentleman with his sweet wife Sejal. They made such a lovely couple. They even had matching dresses. Ashish wore a yellow shirt and we all think it was because he wanted to match Sejal's dress color.. Sigh, what marriage can do to strong bachelors :)

Anand Babu - nothing has changed for him. He as usual started late, reached ur place the last. His dinner was punctuated by his status updates to his mother and his yet to be elected home ministry ( and to add to that - to update Teacher anout what he spoke on the phone :) ). And to prove nothing had changed, after dinner, now he is back to office!!

Anyways, the PGSEM gang remains THE Gang - absolutely nuts, absolutely cranky and "jolly good fellas" :):)

We, The People, Part 2

Someone forwarded me this pic of the Mumbai rally participation.  And if this is the face of India, I am scared. Forget the himsa-ahimsa debate, here's a picture of what we, at large end up doing. Trying to hold up for a common cause, a national cause, but still immersed enough in our personal world so much that it takes precedence. (If you dont understand waht i mean, try seeing an enlarged view of the pic - the guy in the pic is busy with his cellphone!!! :) ) This pic is a fantastic image of our larger image. It shows clearly, where our preference lies.

Prbably i am being too harsh. Probably the lensman clicked when someone was genuinely trying to reach this guy.. and i happen to pick on just this one photo in the middle of so many. Who knows?

Btw, i have no right to the pic. This was forwarded to me as a forwarded mail. If there is any copyright on this pic, please let me know, and i shall remove this from here.

We, The People

I was reading the report on Rediff, "After the terror, now it is the rage". There is ( or should i say, was - the report is on 4th Dec ) action all around. People saying that it is time we took some action, it is time we did something. And now everyone is thinking of doing his or her own bit. On Dec 2, Rediff seems to have run a feature, "How do YOU plan to make a difference?" Over the last six days, we have 327 posts there.

Interesting. Even heartening. But in the heart of hearts, i still have pessimism. Forgive me to be a dampener. Is a change really possible as soon as this ? Can we, like the movies, diffuse into a mellow yellow sunshine scene and print "End everything went well from then ?". I doubt. It takes a long time for change to happen and to make an impact. Will we be able to sustain our anger, our energy and our josh till then? Or will our day to day lives pull us back ?

I dont know where, but couple of days back, i read ( in one of the internet articles ) that the ppl in the citizen's rally were considering ( or contemplating ) non payment of taxes if they were not being used for our security!!! Would that help ? Is that the solution, or isn't that just a knee jerk reaction?

What we should be doing is to actively participate in the govt. When we make ourselves a participant of the govt, we will automatically be responsible for the functioning. Take one section of our sity, where we live, look at our own roads, and actively involve and follow the proceedings in the govt related to your area. Is the road condition being discussed ? Who are the contractors, what are the tendors? How much is it being quoted for ? Can we go and ask specific contractors whom we know as truthful to quote? Can we be involved in following up for the payment?

Can we participate in the recruitment of teachers in our schools ? Can we make recommendations to set the slaries of the teachers to make it more meaningful ? Can we audit the financials of the govt.?

One individual or a small group of individuals might find these tasks extremely difficult and painful. But if the combined energy of the citizens rally could be channeled into such activities - sustained, persistive activities, then, slowly, the wheels of change would start setting in.

The point is not to set up a parallel govt. It is to participate in the current govt. When there is participation, there would be more accountability and when there is more accountability, slowly, there would be straightening. And there would evolve leaders, who have the right education and the right attitude. And then, they would drive this country.

If not I, if not my children, utleast my grandchildren, could then hope to live in a much better India.

Gandhiji once said, Be the change that you want to see. I hope i will persuade myself to go beyond my selfish life to act on these activities. And i hope i will sustain.

I cannot pledge. I am not that strong yet. But i am on the path. I hope.

I Pledge

Everyone's talking about terror.

SMS, tickers, blogs, twitter - everything talks about how we can take it. Aren't we supposed to have reached our limits of accepting terror ? We should give it back? How can we be not prepared?...

Emails are flying. Lets spread the message. Lets get all Indians together. terror is at our doorstep and we have to stand united.

We forward this to hundred people and then, log out our systems, and walk out into our world. Then we spit on the roadsides, we jump signals, we bribe the policemen to escape a heavy fine for traffic rule violation.

In Chennai, OMR has probably the largest traffic by educated drivers. All the software companies attract all the big colleges and talented people. So are the roads the safest? Are the roadsides the cleanest? Nope!!!!!

I decided, i would simply delete those forward mails, and would silently make one resolution. To pledge. to be responsive and good to the country.

I Pledge.
Not to litter or to make my country dirty.
Not to jump signals and violate traffic rules.
Not to bribe policemen toescape from hefty fines.
To vote.

I Pledge.
To respect India.

For that is the first step in respecting the sacrifice that the brave policemen are making in Mumbai. and all over the country.

What are People?

Some of them are just names. Ramanujappa, Ravi, Paul....

Some of them are faces, they twist into a smile when they meet you. But when we don't see them, we don't miss them.

Some of them are words, they make you see and hear them.You know them, you interact with them. There is this space that they occupy near you.

But few of them, are identities. People who make you feel them. They talk to you. They are with you. You change with them. Sometimes, for them. You smile with them. You smile for them. They make you smile. They point this way and you see a part of life. They point that way and you see a differnt life

And then one day, they die.

And then you ask yourself. Why did this happen to me? It was so comfortable having them around. Couldn't they stay with us for some more time ?

There is a story of a Yaksha who asks Yudhishtira this:
Qn: What is the most wonderful thing in the world?

And Yudhishtira replies:

Each day there are many that die and yet the rest of us watching believe ourselves to be permanent. That is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Poignant, and yet painfully true.

The Void

Krishnamurthy says "The moment one's by oneself, it begins. Any desire for its continuaunce, any disappointment if it does not continue does not exist. IT is simply there whether one wants it or not. It's beyond all reason and thought"

I miss my parents. and slowly all those days all those times of togetherness are fleeting in front of my eyes. I wish i had some spectacular memories to come flashing by. All that comes are simple straight memories - of anger, of fighting, of laughter, of being caught, of daily life. Those Sunday evenings, when my mother used to spend time pressing my clothed - she wanted to save that money. Not knowing the financial distress that we were going through, i used to refuse any help to my mother as i find the press-wallah right in front of my house.

My father - the idealistic man with his set of principles. Lot of poeple ridiculed him, some liked him. But he never let that bother him. The only thing that used to bother him was that we used to get bothered about such comments.

.... I wish to write more, but am flowing though too many too fast thoughts....

Krishnamurthy mentions his comment ( at the start of the blog) about conssciousness, for me its more of a depression. That's somewhere close to where i am now. - A void. It is that small place between here and there. And i am there.

To rely back on Krishnamurthy again "The pressure continues and the strain is at the base of the head and it's painful"

Ref: Krishnamurthy's notebook

Silent Revolution

I'd like to believe that a Revolution is on. A silent one at that. And i would like to dream that the wave is slowly gaining momentum till such time that it becomes a huge rollicking wave - changing the face of the sea.

For me, it started with a pleasant surprise of a print ad today morning in the Economic times.

The gist is this - Here's a chance to lead India. And no kidding.

And here's the deal. The Times of India gives you 50 lacs for a social welfare project (This and all that follows are only if you are selected, i guess). And then yo get a chance to do a masters in political sceience from Harvard. TOI gives you all the media publicity that you require. And finally, they support you to contest elections. Give you a fair and square chance to live that one life where we can do something for India.

Learn more at this URL: http://www.lead.timesofindia.com/default.asp

The concept is novel, the idea, noble. Now it is time for us to stop lip service and act on our talk. Now it is time, for us to be the change that we wish to see.

Jaago, India, Jaago.

I think the person or people selected through this are the real Indian Idols. People can Sing, can Act. They come and Go. But to lead a country - something that we keep cribbning bout and want to change - So here's the chance.

DO WE DARE?

National Anthem - Commercially packaged!

That's the mantra in everyone's lips today. India turns 60 . And am sure throusands of words have been written, thousands of keys clicked today in praise and in planning for a better land, country, India. Am sure criticisms, suggestions, disappointments, optimism, everything would be spread way across the country's cyberspace today. I, am not going to add to that.

But i really did want to do mouthspeak about one thing that i noticed today across so many TV channels ( After all, isnt it our national pastime to watch reruns of movies in TV on any national holiday ? :) ) Anyways, where was I.. ahh yes i was watching TV and almost every punctuating commercial break had ran ad of a Indian cellular giant. And the ad had various eminent vocalists rendering a very famous composition melodied by a famous composer. The composition - Our Own National Anthem !

I was taught to give respect to my National Anthem. And the first time, it rang through the tv speakers, i was proud that the channels remembered our nation on this day and i stood, in respect, of my country. Fifteen minues later - the same ad again. fifteen min later - again - and again and again and again.

Has our National Anthem become nothing more than a commercial jingle ? Are we respecting it or demeaning it ? Why would i want to listen to my National Anthem as a forerunner to watching a acompany name ? How could the company do it ? How could so many Indian National stand in mute silence when this was approved. It hurts me, and it frustrates me that i cant do anything about it.

Think about it, what further disrespect could you show to your National Anthem - Has it been leased to a company ? Isnt it above all things commercial? HOW COULD YOU???? THis is what kept on rining in my ears. A billion people - eating, sleeping, half sleeping, feet over each other, pointing at the TV, half reading magazines - in all tasks possible, in all positions imaginable would have heard the national anthem promoting a company. Hwo could a national anthem be commericalized?

I dont demand apologies. I do not want uprising of people against this. I only want all of us to understand that is more than just a fad to be patriotic, to have respect and to love your country. It is more than pinning little paper flags on our shirts. After all, there are amongst us, some who would want to get the paper flag without the bill, to save tax.

I stand here, in staunch unacceptance of the advertisement and the company that it promoted. I stand here, head held high, eyes down in respect, on the side of my country.

My Country. I Care.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Sun beating down mercilessly outside, making even the interiors of our room glowing with bright yellow light...

The fan going around itself, in its humming fight to keep the send heated air all around the room....

Kishore kumar smiling at me from the speakers - "mere dil mein aaj kya hein - too kahen to mein bata doon....

I can't but smile at myself as my eyes close me into a lazy nap...

Mere dil mein aaj kya hein....

Just another day at work!

Four years back, i decided to make a small deviation in my career. I moved my brown bag full of things from a desk in a 100 member company to a then 6000 ( and now around 4-5 times that no. ) member organization.

While those exit discussions were on, my then-director told me that i was making a wrong move. That it was better to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than a big fish in a small pond.

I responded that the best of all these would be to be a big fish in a big pond. He laughed at that. Four years later i have a chance to retrospect.

Star Performer in my department.
Amongst the "Associate of the year" across the organization.
Nominated Trainer par excellence
2 rungs of corporate growth in designation.
Much more than that in role.

And more than anything else, i value the recognition that i have earned. When people call asking for advice, and when you know you can provide it - there is no bigger satisfaction.

I keep praying that i never lose my humility.

Grateful. And still working at IT.

Just Another Day, not Judgement Day!

I prayed today that my faith would be justified.
I wanted today that my belief would continue to exist.

I wanted our judicial to reach some verdict today. ( On the 93 Mumbai blasts)

I came back today evening only to realize that as usual, another date was given. Millions of us watched couple of suited high profile defence lawyers smilingly tell us that it is impossible to give verdict even on the new date.

What is left of our system ? What is left of me ? TOmorrow morning, i would pack my bags and leave to my office as usual. Why tomorrow, today, here, now - i am sitting in front of my system and blogging, as usual. I see what is happening around me. To my lay eyes, i think i can understand what is happeneing around me. I know it is wrong. And yet, i chose to stay silent and away.

I kept hearing on the channel that justice has been delayed. I think, within this 13 years, justice was denied long time ago. It is only the verdict that is getting delayed now. Could we at least get that?

And a prominent news channel keep saying mumbaikars are affected; are frustrated; are angry. I have one humble request to the eminent new anchor whose "hair has gone gray over the 13 years" - that the rest of us outside Mumbai are as affected, as involved as the mumbaikars. Could we all, for fleeting fraction of second, be called Indians, please?

Poetry

Was listening to the soulful rendering of this by JAgjit Singh today morning and could not stop myself from blogging this..

Ths is sheer poetry - With due apologies to those who read without knowledge of Hindi - This is a song from Arth.

Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho
Kya Gham Hai Jisko Chhupa Rahe Ho

Aankhon Mein Nami, Hansi Labon Par
Kya Haal Hai Kya Dikha Rahe Ho

Ban Jayenge Zehar Peete Peete
Yeh Ashq Jo Piye Ja Rahe Ho

Jin Zakhmon Ko Waqt Bhar Chala Hai
Tum Kyon Unhe Chhedhe Ja Rahe Ho

Rekhaon Ka Khel Hai Muqaddar
Rekhaon Se Maat Kha Rahe Ho

You could listen to the songs here

Hurt

There is something i keep realizing over and over again.

When u hurt some one you love, you hurt yourself.

And forgiveness is just not from them, but from your own self.

Then why do i keep doing it again and again?

Listen!

"No, you're not listening!"

These words are the most repeated words by a very respcted professor in his classes. With a flowing set of credentials and a with a sense of humor to match his wits, his classes are the most crowded amongst all. His methodology of taking classes inlcudes using the case model - implying we discuss a case study inthe class and through the discussion, learn a lot more than what we would have, had it been lectured upon.

And among the chatoic "participation" from the class, he would continuously embarrass you. With a very verbose and a jargon filled answer, you would think you have scored a brownie point. This would be responded by a sharp look from the prof and a resounding "So?"

So? yeah right, So what? Everyone would look at you smiling telling you in unsaid words that you have were better off closing your mouth and let others suspect you were a fool, than open it and confirm it! Another smartie would then start off who would be waived to silence by the prof still looking at you..

"So?" "What are you trying to tell me?"

You realize that he is actually wanting to listen to you. Understand you. And that adds suddenly adds so much to the whole perspective You would then be forced to describe waht you wanted to say. After that, with a dawn of realization the prof would conclude "Oh, so u r saying that....." and you nod in amazement in the clarity he brought into your argument ( you nod nevertheless, coz u dont wanna be in the hot seat any more :) ). Then he counters you by quoting form the case with a question. When you answer it, he says " No, you are not listening"

There were times when i wanted to stand and tell him, "listen dude, i am listening".. Fear of grades ( or potential lack of it ) kept me quiet! :) But after so many hours with him, i understand what he means.. I was hearing him, but not listening!

When we listen, we need to :
1. Hear what the other person says,
2. think about the same in our mind
3. Identify and dig out the relevant message from the words
4. Confirm with the user if that is the right message.

I wonder how many of life's lessions, i have only heard and not listened to!

Cause and Effect

Cause - Late night study
Effect - Wake up late

Cause - Wonderfully drizzling weather
Effect - Wake up really late

Cause - Wake up really late
Effect - Deviate from routine and get late to office.

It is ironical that right after the day i wrote about routinely meeting people, i should be late to office and miss all the "milestones" previously mentioned :)

Yeah - today, i missed the lady, the blind man and the software geeks. And My life has not changed a bit. No upsetting, no odd feeling. No change in life.

As unmovable as a rock!

Close encounters of the third kind

I have read in various espionage novels that a man with predictable routines are the ones that are the easiest marks. Considering the fact that my impact on the political, economical or the zoological scene is as minimal as anyways possible, i find no hardship in coming to a simple routine of my long trip to office.

When you live about 15 km from where you work-live, and you have been living there for couple of semi-decades, then you get so used to driving that your automatic sub-conscience takes over driving. You just observe life around you as it controls your legs at the pedals, your hands at the steering and generally steer clear of pits, speed bumpers, cows, goats, humans, spits and traffic lights.

The long winding road is full of human milestones, which i have come to notice while my alter-ego drives ( oh i do wear the seat belts :) ) the car. As days go by, we get used to seeing people in certain places, in certain ways that you start expecting them every day. They become part of the journey for you. When any of them are not there, suddenly there is a pang of emotion.

I meet a lady at about 15 minutes distance from home, on the pathway of a crowded junction. I have never even so much as paused my car when i see her, but both of us acknowledge the visibility of each other. Also, over the tidings of time, i think i know pretty much about her. She's married ( happily or otherwise is not knows ) as her sindur proclaims. Apparently she does not work for an IT company, or else there would be the "rope" that hangs from her neck to proclaim that she is a money earner from software.. We pass each other almost every day of the five days that i drive to work and we still don't even as much as acknowledge. But an absence is upsetting. It kinds of makes u a little uneasy... Are you late for work ? Or is she not well ? Or has she shifted her residence ? And so on until i jam my brakes at the signal that has turned red in front of your eyes.

Turn the curve of the road and there is an interesting spectacle. The next stretch of the road is lined by the imposing wall of a very prestigious college. And it is pretty much straight. Right in the middle of the stretch, on the siode of the road, a hero honda bike remains parked with the hero standing next to it. The heroine is various poses, some days standing next to the bike, some days sitting on the seat. They talk. shot by Cupid, every morning, i dont know how much time they spend talking about... about what, i wonder? Wi the the smile on my lips of been there, done that - i can think of thousnds of things - about future ( i mean the evening, and how soon can we reach there ) about very critical things in life ( the new hair style does not suit you ) or psychological advice session with the confident of a person who own the other.. Sigh - somethings, can never change

Farther down the road, couple of turns later, on a further turning, an old man exists. I see him sitting on the pavement, clad only in a dirty dhoti, reading the day's newspaper, not skimming it, not looking at the pictures, serious reading- and not just the movies or the sports section - the hardcore news section. As the car turns, it brings into my view, his truly humble adobe, a section of the pavement, covered by a tarpaulin, to possible ward sun and rain away, very neatly folded bedding and few personal belongings. I wonder who is , who he was. With his confident expression, he is definitely not a beggar or a mad-man. What in essence could have brought such a man to living in the pavments ? Or is it that he has found his nirvana with his simple life? With an air conditioned car and a concrete home to back me up, i still spend so much of time carefully building creases of worries on my forehead. He also reads about the same hike in fuel prices, he also finds out in as much surprise as me about the reservation bill - and yet, he has the ability to take it in as much easier gulps than me.

The non-stop rotating air inside the rubber tyres of my vehicle take me away from this visual question mark quite easily as the car lurches forward through well known avenues and side-lanes. The all familiar rush of school children to a near by school, the honks of incoming cars in a small a road, all that rush past me with a whiff of wind ( i wonder if this is the same whiff that i get when deadlines whizz past me in office :) )

Couple of minutes down the lane, a traffic signals endear life to me. That junction is also signified by an existance of a ladies college, but my eyes always move away from the beautiful samples of female existance. It zooms into one man, walking slowly. Dressed in common attire, most often a striped shirt, and a dark trouser, he walks slowly, a stick prodding the way in front of him. Smiling, mostly. Blind, completely. While my tyres squeel in protest of rushing traffic as the signal opens up, i always wonder where his destination would be. Stuck in a jam one day, i found out that he runs a small PCO booth in the corner. He probably has the "i" taken out of his life, but he braves it with a smile. I wonder if i would be even half as brave as him. Most of us would get into the rut of self sympathy - "Why me ?" I hope i am at least half as brave as him when life faces me with diabolical questions.

As the office draws nearer, there is one more set of people i meet on the road. Dressed fashinably, tupperware carrying, neckbands in place and id cards proudly proclaiming the software company, hands in pockets of trousers ( or in the sides of salwars ) that try to contain a bulging part of anatomy called a tummy, these are the sample of the majority of this city population. Sleepy eyes looking hopefully at the road for the company buses, they stand with dreams of a bigger houses, bigger cars, longer and farther vacations and with nightmares of deadlines, creaky architectures, flowing code and scarier appraisals.

I identify, i smile and i move on.

I wonder, one day, the continuity would break - my routes might change, or their routines might.

The old man might turn to ashes, the blind man taken into another location, the software-s move to another company, would my life still continue un-hitched?

Probably it would.

Untie one knot to tie another

I leave to Kerala on Sunday to get married. For Me to become Us. I would out of office for the next three weeks. And i have to get my Mail clients switched off, my computer logged off and get the desk clean.

And as a part of these activities, i had to remove my name from a particular Distribution List in Office. Just so that my mailbox does not get clogged with Mails.

I had to remove myself from the DL named "Prolite Team". This is my team. For the first time in almost 4 years, i remove myself from all communications that span my team. And surprisingly for a very professional part of me, i felt a little wierd. I wouldnt want to over dramatize by talking about a pang of grief that stabs through my heart and all that jack, but it does really feel wierd.

I pride myself in the way i can keep my professional part of me safe and separated from the intensely personal part, but somewhere there is definitely a convergence. I guess thats what makes me - I, Me and not I, Robot!